Okay, monsters, this is the deal. (50 Shades Darker) 2

My nemesis “wants me back.” You’ll recall that last year, I tangled with Fifty Shades of Grey for the bargain price of $843 and somehow managed to crawl my way out with only a mild hangover. I’ve been training. I’ve been drinking a lot of beer. But I see that the sequel has stepped up its ...

A Monday Treat(?) – those 50 Shades of Grey notes 1

A Monday Treat(?) - those 50 Shades of Grey notes
So back in February, a bunch of people donated the princely sum of over $800 to domestic violence charities to make me watch and blog about 50 Shades of Grey. I’d hoped to get a bit more money for charity by holding my handwritten notes hostage; that didn’t succeed. After thinking about it, and looking ...

By the bulging right eye of Christian Grey! 10

By the bulging right eye of Christian Grey!
The story so far: Sixteen sadistic jerk-asses banded together and raised $843.39, thus forcing me to see 50 Shades of Grey. I went on Saturday. I had two beers and three hurricanes in a little over two hours. I am not ashamed to admit that I got really fucked up in a way that had ...

I see how it is. 2

Well, it happened. With just over five days to spare, you motherfuckers did it. I’m going to have to watch 50 Shades of Shitty Writing, and then tell you all about it. 12 people from three different countries, united in their hatred of both me and domestic abuse, have donated a combined $753.39 to anti-domestic violence ...

Vurping my way through the 50 Shades of Grey trailer 2

0014: Creepy piano music starts. We see frumpy lady in the elevator, startling as the elevator goes ding. Wanna bet that by the end of the trailer she will look supersexyhotinatotallyconventionalway because creepy dude semen has magical wardrobe-improving powers? 0014: “At least everyone’s white. I know that sounds kind of weird, but no one should have ...