[Movie] Assassin’s Creed

Assassin’s Creed is utterly, delightfully bonkers as a movie. It’s really damning the movie with faint praise to say it’s probably the best video game film I’ve ever seen, but that’s one statement that it feels very fair to make. In Assassin’s Creed, Michael Fassbender plays a being of pure manpain named Cal, who after being ...

[Movies] In short, four movies

Another transatlantic flight, another round of movies watched because I can’t sleep and find it utterly impossible to work on my laptop in the extremely limited space available in economy. The Girl With All the Gifts: This movie shows the British still reign supreme in zombie cinema. And this one with a twist, where the ...

[Movie] Swept Under

I started watching this movie because it was late, I had two hours of tutoring to go, access to Netflix, and it looked like I wouldn’t have to think about it too hard. Basically, I was right. If something that’s basically an hour and a half long episode of Law & Order: SVU but with ...

The Bourne _____________ 1

Jason Bourne is in a foreign country doing things that guys do when they have manpain. He just wants to be left alone. Then a shadowy part of the US government, headed by [old white guy] decides to do something sketchy that sets up the overly convoluted B-plot and also decides that this time he ...

[Movie] Arrival

I’m still trying to figure out how to tell you about Arrival. What I can say other than it’s a movie that made me laugh with sheer delight as the plot came together, and then cry because at the end of a really awful week (election week) it made me feel hope for humanity. You really ...

[Movie] Vice 1

I made it my goal to watch and review one new movie per week, so I wouldn’t have a recurrence of the complete lack of any content I had in September and October. Of course, little did I know that my first weekend post-goal setting would be November 4 & 5, which offered up a ...

[Movie] The Magnificant Seven (2016)

I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am that I’m only just now going to tell you how fucking amazing the new The Magnificent Seven movie is. Because it is fucking amazing. If it’s still showing in your area, you should go see it while you still can. Though I will add one ...

[Movie] Star Trek: Beyond

Star Trek Beyond makes a for a good apology for the aggravating mess that was Star Trek: Into Darkness. But it fails hard at its most basic job: being a Star Trek film. This is a trend that’s been endemic since the first new Trek film and has only gotten worse with each movie. The original ...

[Movie] Ghostbusters (2016) 2

[Movie] Ghostbusters (2016)
Warning: depending upon your spoiler sensitivity level, you may want to skip the plot synopsis (red) until after you’ve seen the film. Ghostbusters (2016) comes to us in a world saturated with sequels and remakes and reboots that no one wanted, needed, or asked for—and finally, we get a reboot we actually deserve. I have ...

[Movie] Warcraft

It says a lot that it’s been something like two weeks since I saw Warcraft and I’m only now writing about it. Mostly because… honestly? I don’t have a lot to say. The thing you need to understand here is that I’ve played all the original Warcraft RTS games, and devoted more hours of my life ...