It was the last day of school! Yay! Well, except for finals. Boo.
As I was walking to the bus, there was a nice older gentleman handing out pretty pink fliers that said, “Free Career Analysis.” I took one, because I always feel sorry for people standing out in the cold trying to hand out pieces of paper. I guess on the last day of school, that’s a reasonable thing for people to be trying to hand out. No doubt it was the gateway to some sort of quasi-scammish recruitment thing…
And then I noticed the address on the corner of the flier. Church of Scientology Mission of Boulder. Well then. Scammish and not so quasi about it.
It’s the ol’ Scientology personality test, tarted up as a career analysis. There’s even a fancy graph to illustrate how you can find your “career barriers” and “get rid of them!” Career barriers is code for Thetans, I suppose. “Discover how well you communicate!” and find out “Are you aggressive enough? Competent?” The flier is the 200 question personality test, which you’re supposed to fill out and mail back to the Scientology Mission of Boulder. It includes such gems as:
5. Do you intend two or less children in your family even though your health and income will permit more?
6. Do you get occasional twitches of your muscles, when there is no logical reason for it?
55. When hearing a lecturer, do you sometimes experience the idea that the speaker is referring entirely to you?
61. Do you ever get a “dreamlike” feeling toward life when it all seems unreal?
79. Are you sometimes considered forceful in your actions or opinions?
132. Do some noises “set your teeth on edge”?
143. Do you usually criticize a film or show that you see or a book that you read?
162. Would you like to “start a new activity” in the area in which you live?
171. Do you spend too much time on needless worries?
191. Does life seem rather vague and unreal to you?
It sort of runs the gamut from stupidly general to bizarre to just plain creepy, then back again. I think #162 is my favorite question, personally. You’re apparently supposed to complete this test and mail it to them so that they can work up a “confidential test analysis” for you.
There is of course nothing against the Scientologists handing out their fliers at CU. To me, it certainly seems creepy and dishonest to frame their infamous personality test as “free career analysis,” particularly when they’re handing it out on the last day of school to many students who are heading toward graduation with not a little bit of dread about the job market. However, that’s par for the course for Scientology. And I am also sad to say, it’s not the most creepy and dishonest I’ve seen out of religious recruiters on campus. I’d hope since they at least put their name and address on the form, most of the kids at CU would be wise to the tricks, or be able to find out about them very easily. Operation Clambake is the third site on the list when you google “scientology,” so a source of good information is definitely at the fingertips of people who want to look.
One thing I will say for the nice older gentleman handing out these fliers: at least he wasn’t wielding a huge sign and screaming that we all deserve Hell.