Considering you don’t actually see the titular desolation until over halfway through the movie, I thought perhaps some alternate titles would be more appropriate. [Spoilers]
The Hobbit 2:
- Dwarf Royale With Extra Cheese
- Gosh Aren’t You a Little Tall For a Dwarf?
- In Mirkwood Spider Stomp On You
- There’s Nothing More Badass Than an Archer
- Now With Orcs and Dwarves Running
- We Make Thor 2 Look Like the United Nations
- Rise of the Fabulous, Spinny Elven Bastards
- Ugh It Smells Like Wet Dwarf in Here
- How Many Legolases Can Dance on the Head of a Dwarf?
- We Made Up An Entire Elf Just For Some Relief From This Goddamn Sausage Fest
- Daddy Issues, Daddy Issues, Daddy Issues
- It’s Totally Different Because This Time It’s Under The Mountain and They’re Being Chased By a Dragon, Not Goblins Geeze
- All You Need Is a Sassy, Lying Hobbit
- Check Out How We Spent Our CGI Budget
- Let Sleeping Dragons Lie
- No Really This Movie Totally Needed to Be Almost Three Hours Long Trust Us
- As Your Bladder Softly Weeps
- I’d Pay Ten Bucks to See Thranduil Channel David Bowie I Don’t Know About You
- We Spent Our Gold on Orcs, Not Editors
- A Compendium of Legolas’s Bitch Please Looks
- The Best Cinematic Dragon Ever
- If the Darkness Had Bothered to Call First I Would Have Done Something With My Hair, Maybe Picked Up a Bottle of Wine But No Now We’re Just Making Awkward Conversation Over Freezerburned Chicken Nuggets
- Get Your Shit Together, Thorin, Jesus Christ
- Orcs Are Kind of Like Visa They’re Everywhere You Want to Be, Serve a Dark and Terrible Master, Want to Consume Your Flesh, and Have Horrifying Teeth Okay Maybe Not That Last One
- Don’t Worry Legolas, You Get Your Elf/Dwarf Romance in the Next Trilogy
- Thorin Fat Shames a Dragon
- This Plan Will Totally Work It’s Not Like Dragons Breathe Fire Or Anything