Gods of Suffering. I Mean Egypt.

And lo, in the year of our Lord 2016, Hollywood is giving us an Egypt so white it almost looks like the Oscars. Just kidding. One of the Egyptian gods (Thoth) actually is played by an African-American actor, which makes this movie significantly more diverse than the 2016 Academy Awards and let’s just contemplate that for a minute.

I have been making fun of this movie from the first moment I saw the trailer, because even if you ignore Gerard Butler gnawing on the scenery, it just looks terrible. My Clash of the Titans senses are all a-tingle; I spent endless hours (at least twenty-seven) of my life trapped in a theater with that movie while my will to live withered away. You could not pay me enough to go watch this train wreck of white people with faintly British “fantasy” accents and CGI.

But guess what? You CAN pay a charity enough to make me watch it so you don’t have to, if you’re feeling simultaneously sadistic and giving. And considering the absolutely blinding whitewashing of this film, I feel a charity theme coming on.

MEET THE CHARITIES

Act For Change is a British charity devoted to promoting not just actors of colour, but LGBT, disabled, and female artists as well. I have created a fundraising page with them, please donate there for ease of tracking. Monetary amounts are in GBP, but I’ve done a test donation and they take American credit cards just fine. (Alternatively, if you’re still having problems, you can contact me via email and we’ll work something out.) Americans, right now 1 GBP is running around $1.50, calibrate your giving accordingly.

The African-American Shakespeare Company hails out of San Francisco and has a mission of bringing classical theater to a diverse audience.

Classics in Color is a NYC-based theater company devoted to classics as well, focused on ethnic, gender, age, and physically challenged inclusivity.

So this is the deal:

Donate to Act For Change at my page, and I’ll get told how much and your work is done. If you donate to the other two charities (or don’t use the Act For Change page) I’ll need you to inform me via tweet, blog comment, email, or smoke signal that you gave and how much. We use the honor system here; if you tell me you gave someone money, I’ll believe you.

Either way you decide to go about it, if you, my tormenters blog readers and friends, donate $300 to the above charities by February 26, I will see this movie the next day, Saturday February 27, and then I will write about it once I’m sober enough to type. I will also scan my notes for you as soon as I’m able.

GOAL MET: £241.51/£220 ($336.45/~$305)

BUT KEEP DONATING!

Here’s the plan: I will be seeing Gods of Egypt on Sunday (28th) and will have review and notes for you on Monday the 29th!

Offer your gratitude to these monsters people who love both my suffering and diversity in the arts:

1. Anarin
2. D
3. My parents [Mom and Dad WHY]
4. Anonymous
5. John D
6. Taxidea
7. Anonymous
8. Wren
9. Anonymous
10. Farli
11. Pip
12. Matt Borgard
13. Elise
14. finstergrrrl
15. waw
16. Zalia
17. Dan