This is, without a doubt, the most brilliant piece of spam e-mail I have ever received. At least I’m assuming it’s spam. It’s from someone named Juan Barry (I don’t know anyone by that name) and is completely incoherent, in that special way you expect from spam. Yet there are no links, no attachments. Just beautiful, transcendent weirdness. Behold.
Subject: And Ive et worse pies
Juan Barry <email@example.com>
Apr 10 (1 day ago)
And so did I, Nor church? Nor church.
So it was? I noticed it.
Is it pure gibberish? Is it poetry? Is it a subtle attack on the Catholic church or perhaps the tax exempt status of American churches? (Nor church? Nor church.) No church can provide you comfort from bad pie, that much is clear.
Is the pie a metaphor? Is society, in fact, the pie? Has it gone moldy on the inside, and poor Juan feels alone in having noticed this, surrounded by a consumerist culture that urges us to eat and ear, when it’s all ultimately rotten and cannot be saved? (Perhaps not even by divine intervention.) And yet the implication that it could be worse! That he’s noticed it could be even worse, this downward spiral of ever worsening pies. We started at Marie Calendars and have backslid, through Village Inn, then Perkins, then down to Denny’s and we’re about to burn our collective mouths on the hot, fake filling of something evil awakening at McDonald’s.
Nor church? Nor church, Juan. Only we can save ourselves.
You all say the cake is a lie. Well, Juan Barry and I understand that the pie is worse.