Sorry, I couldn’t fit the full title of the next No Shit story in the title field. That’s because the full deal is: How I Became Coruscating Queen of All the Realms, Pierced the Obsidian Night, Destroyed a Legendary Sword, and Saved My Heart’s True Love.
When this story, by Matt Dovey and Stewart C. Baker, landed in the No Shit slush pile, it caused quite a stir, from the title alone. The jackalopes circled it warily, poking at it with their flint-tipped spears and squeaking amongst themselves. Could a story possibly live up to a title like that? Should it? We were all a little afraid to look at it, lest the illusion be shattered and our lives plunged into despair.
Then I got a message from one of the readers: you have to read this, it REALLY lives up to the title. I opened the file. Read the first line.
No shit, there I was, knee-deep in necromantic weasels in the lair of the mad wizard-king, when Korgar and Elutriel both decided it was time to win my affections once and for all.
I said to myself, “Okay, there is no fucking way they are going to stick the landing after a first line like that.”
Matt and Stewart stuck the landing.
There are so many reasons I love this story, which is like a D&D adventure gone horribly, wonderfully, hilariously wrong in a world that is utterly ridiculous and pretends it doesn’t notice how ridiculous it is whilst simultaneously winking at the reader. I’m still not over the legendary sword of the title, which is named “Hrrnngnngrrrndr, the Sword of a Hundred Thousand Agonies.” This story is non-stop, wall-to-wall gems like that.
I don’t know what kind of aberrant brain chemistry the writers might have been experiencing when they came up with all of this, but I devoutly pray that it happens again, and soon, because I need more incredibly fun, smart stories like this one in my life.
You want to read this story, so you should definitely support the kickstarter.