First Presidential Debate Liveblog

Okay, so let’s see what snark I can come up with between drinks. I have come well prepared with beer, cider (thanks Isaac) and THE KRAKEN.

Pre-debate show is on. Still can’t believe they closed down I-25. Way to make everyone in Denver hate both candidates.

1848: Debate is soon, but until then I am happy to watch my TV girlfriend Rachel Maddow.

1855: I still think they should have called the Al Sharpton show “Revved Up.”

1855: And I also love the little countdown clock for debate time. Oh MSNBC, you are made of such geeks.

1856: So my current plan is to drink every time Romney says my friends, job creators, Obamacare, or claims he’s going to create a brazillion jobs without specifying how. And I’ll drink when Obama says let me be clear, Romneycare, mentions he killed Osama bin Laden, or points out that the Republicans originally murdered the economy. That alone ought to get me pretty trashed.

1859: Proposal: next debate to be hosted by Ru Paul. Romney and Obama will lip sync for their lives.

1900: Not sure how I feel about this debate format. We’ll see how it goes…

1901: Chris, look, I fail to see how anyone wouldn’t want to kick Richard Nixon in the balls.

1901: YAY JIM LEHRER. I grew up watching you.  Eerily, I don’t feel like he really looks much older. Anyway about this format, I don’t know how the open discussion is going to go. I bet they just talk over each other a lot.

1903: Specific? HAHAHA it is like Jim Lehrer’s wish list on what he wants. Would you like a pony too, Jim?

1904: Obama grabbed Romney’s arm first in the handshake. I think that means he gets to keep one of his ears as a trophy.

1904: Obama won the coin toss? Obviously a terrorist coin.

1904: Well, he mentioned Michelle. I am not going to take a drink though, since it is their anniversary and he has to. BUT YOU ARE ON NOTICE, OBAMA.

1905: “New economic patriotism.” – The middle class? What about the working poor? But yeah, he whipped out that line again about using the savings from ending the wars. Wouldn’t that be nice.

1907: Romney just mentioned Anne.

1907: He just claims he won’t be cutting taxes for the wealthy. ORLY.

1908: Trickle down government? Really Romney?

1908: Wow. Lookit Obama using actual numbers and stuff.

1910: It’s an interesting approach on how Obama keeps saying they agree… and then pointing out that they don’t really at all. Obama’s still in fine form, I think.

1911: Jim says he wants things to be specific again. You poor man.

1911: “I don’t have a five trillion dollar tax cut. I don’t have a tax cut!” ARE YOU SHITTING ME HE JUST SAID THAT?

1912: Mitt Romney likes coal. Clean coal apparently. He whispers to it soothingly at night. He pets it. (Well, and that’s a clear thing. Open ALL THE GOVERNMENT LAND for drilling. And Alaska. And a pipeline. Ugh.)

1914: No tax cut that adds to the deficit Mitt? And just for middle income Americans? Would he care to define what he considers middle income? WE WOULD LIKE TO KNOW.

1916: Oh my god. The look of pain on Jim Lehrer’s face when Romney ran over him. Jim, I could have told you this format was a bad idea.

1917: “I have five boys. I’m used to people telling me something that’s not true and just repeating it” OH NO YOU DID NOT MITT ROMNEY. YOU DID NOT. God please tell me Obama is warming up his laser eyes.

1918: “For six months he’s been running on this tax plan. And now his big, bold idea is: never mind.” OOOH LASER EYE BEAMS. BURN. “It’s math. It’s arithmetic ” I see we have reached the portion of the evening where Obama will channel Bill Clinton.

1920: “Under his definition Donald Trump is a small business. Now I know Donald Trump doesn’t like to thinking about himself as a small anything…” Well Obama has made me laugh several times already.

1921: I feel like Mitt Romney just agreed that most of the small businesses aren’t actually small businesses.

1923: You know, I love that Obama keeps bringing up math. And then Bill Clinton, so I must drink. But I’m really glad he’s bringing up the historical perspective.

1924: They are never going to let poor Jim change the subject, are they.

1925: Apparently Mitt Romney’s plan is like nothing we’ve ever seen before. Why does it not sound that way? And it doesn’t matter what you’re saying your plan is, IT STILL DIDN’T WORK.

1927: Yes, send things to the state level, because the states are totally flush with money to run programs at a smaller economy of scale.

1929: Hahaha Obama should have grabbed Simpson-Bowles but Romney would have a different plan? Really? And how was Obama supposed to have grabbed the damn plan when congress didn’t pass it?

1932: Wow, you really want to go there with the Bush tax cuts thing?

1933: Obama: Romney has ruled out revenue.
Romney: Absolutely.
…and then you can see him realize oh shit, he just said that.

1934: Oh good, Obama’s bringing up industry deductions. Particularly the oil industry. Oh, and the corporate jet tax rates.

1937: Romney’s smile is getting smaller, it seems.

1938: Isaac: I think Romney’s camera is out of focus.
Me: It’s because he doesn’t have a soul.
David: Vampires never show up properly on camera.

1939: Romney claims he’s never heard of tax breaks for moving a factory out of the US. Obama’s eyebrows go ‘boink.’

1940: Romney, I don’t think any of the states have ever begged to get to take care of their poor solely on their own. Maybe the states in your own head.

1941: Wow. Obama didn’t even seem to feel like it was necessary to ask for the last word.

1943: I notice Romney is very careful about saying that he’s not doing anything to current retirees. OH GOD AND THERE IS THAT 716 BILLION BULLSHIT NUMBER BLARGH DRINK DRINK DRINK

1946: Vouchers. Drink!

1946: Oooh, nice. “If you’re 54 or 55 you might want to listen up…” And then brings up Paul Ryan’s plan. Romney appears to be visibly in pain.

1947: Obama brings up the AARP.
Isaac: Let me bring out my giant red old people stick.
HAHAHA and then Obama says he’s now become fond of the term “Obamacare” and Mitt Romney gives him the church friends fuck you smile.

1948: Jim: Do you support the voucher system, governor?
Romney: I support not changing anything for the current retirees BLAH BLAH BLAH 716 BILLION.
Wow. That’s a minor meltdown on stage. He’s getting kind of testy and talking faster.

1950: Obama brings up higher administrative costs plus profit for the private industry. Where’s the money come from. And then brings up the AARP again. It’s almost like he knows Paul Ryan got booed there.

1951: Romney says if medicare is great, it’s the product people can purchase.
Mom: Health care is not a can of beans, asshole.
Well stated, mom.

1952: Romney says that regulation is essential to a free market. I think somewhere, Paul Ryan just shit in his pants. What?

1953: Oh god, now we’re getting in to repeal and replace on poor, toothless Dodd-Frank?

1953: Wow, that is a major smile from Obama. I think Romney may be in trouble.

1955: Yep. He’s in trouble. “The question is, does anyone out there think there was too much oversight of Wall Street? Because if you do, Governor Romney is your candidate.” Ouch.

1957: HAHAHA HEALTHCARE. I’d better get another drink.

1958: ROMNEY FFS NO ONE BUYS THE 716 BILLION THING.

1958: I deny that Romney knows what a kitchen table is. He has servants for that.

2000: Anyone else feel surprised Obama actually said insurance companies aren’t allowed to “jerk you around?” Is it just me?

2001: Jim: Two minutes are up sir.
Obama: I had five seconds left before you interrupted me. *grin*
Me: /giggle

2001: Obama: We saw it worked well – in Massachusetts
OOOOOOH BURN

2002: Romney just accepted ownership of Romneycare. I think that sound was Rush Limbaugh exploding. And really Romney, you wanted to bring up the lack of Republican votes, when the Republicans have said on record they won’t vote for anything Obama brings up? Really?

2004: Romney: blah blah blah bipartisan
Obama: It was a Republican idea. And Democrats in Massachusetts should have given Republicans in congress advice on how to cooperate.
This. This is not turning out to be a good segment for Mitt Romney.

2007: Young people staying on their parents insurance is NOT COVERED in the private market, not up to the age of 26. Geeze.

2009: Mitt Romney invoked the free market fairy. And personal responsibility. Asshole.

2009: Obama’s really hammering the lack of details. Good for him. “Is Romney keeping all of these plans secret because they’re too good?” Nicely delivered sarcasm.

2012: The Reagan fairy has also been invoked. DRINK!

2013: Oh the role of government. Oh Gosh.

2014: Good work on bringing up things like the National Academy of Sciences and the transcontinental railroad. Bringing up that idea that the government can create opportunities and do things that individuals or even states can’t. He’s delivering this argument very compellingly, I think.

2016: “Governor Romney doesn’t think we need more teachers. I do.”

2016: Romney loves great schools. And kittens. And moms. He rejects that he doesn’t like great teachers? Why did he say we didn’t need more then?

2017: I think this ‘trickle-down government’ thing is the new buzz phrase, but no. Just no. It makes no sense.

2019: And here comes school choice. Everyone groans at Romney. We know he means vouchers, he just doesn’t have the sack to say it.

2022: And Obama mentions Romney saying people can borrow money from their parents OOOH HE WENT THERE.

2023: Wait… apparently he would have hired teachers with the money Obama used for green jobs except… uh… he said we don’t need any more teachers.

2024: We need to grade our schools so parents can take their kids to the schools that are more successful because that totally makes sense. Because then all the kids get shoved at those schools and GOSH. WHAT EVEN.

2026: Jim Lehrer asked about governmental gridlock ILU JIM

2026: Oooooh nice. Obama: Romney is going to have a busy first day since he’s going to repeal Obamacare… which is not going to be popular with Democrats when you’re sitting down with them.

2028: Obama didn’t point out that the Republicans are obstructionist fucksticks, but I am charmed that he pointed out Romney hasn’t been ballsy enough to say no to the right wing of his own party.

2031: Mitt Romney: Concerned. He is very concerned. Look at those eyebrows.

2032: Mitt Romney and his magic jobs that he will create with a languid wave of his hand.

2033: Oooh, next is the VP debate. That ought to be fun. Though not as awesome as Biden versus Palin.

So I feel like Obama came out ahead, just because Romney had a couple major meltdowns and lost his cool a couple of times.

Rachel Maddow calls Romney more hyper or amped. I think frenetic is the word you want.

I do agree, I would have seen a little more attack from Obama.

Wow… I do not agree with the after show panel at all.

Though Chris Hayes pointing out that Romney dumped the right wing is true. I wonder if he’s going to get eaten for that.

And I am too drunk to drive home. See you for the next debate!

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