Pompeii: Deadly Weaksauce Eruption Destroys City 2

Well, I did it, you bastards. I saw Pompeii. Sorry that it took me 24 hours to get my write-up done, things were kind of busy today. So this is the thing. I went into this movie expecting to be incredibly annoyed by the geology. But actually, the geology wasn’t that bad. There were volcanic bombs ...

[Movie] Her 1

I’m having a hard time writing about this movie, because it hit me that hard. And Her isn’t nice about the way it hits you, either. No, first it lulls you into a false sense of security, making you think this will be a weird, quirky and awkward comedy where everyone wears high-waisted trousers, and then ...

[Movie] The Secret Life of Walter Mitty 1

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty is super cute. But first I want to bitch about The Lego Movie. I keep seeing previews for this movie, and beyond the fact that the only funny bits involve Batman and Wonderwoman, it annoys me. So the whole concept here is that the regular dude main character is “the ...

[Movie] So, about 47 Ronin

All right, so let me tell you about this movie. Once upon a time there was Keanu Reeves I mean a kid named Kai in Japan. He was half-Japanese and half-European and had been raised by the Tengu so he totally has magical powers no really you just read that correctly, I didn’t mistype. Just that ...

[Movie] Blackfish 1

Some nebulous time when I was in grade school, my family went for a roadtrip vacation in South Dakota. We did that sort of thing, just driving to the other nearby square or nearly square states, because we most definitely did not have the money to fly anywhere, let alone places that involved Disneyland and ...

[Movie] Frozen, I feel guilty for not liking you more 13

So…Frozen. Full disclosure: I’m one of only a handful of human beings who hasn’t seen Rapunzel sorry I mean Tangled haha that’s right these movies totally aren’t about women. At all. Anyway, I haven’t seen that movie. I keep meaning to, and then don’t get around to it. I’m honestly not sure if Frozen makes ...

[Movie] The Hobbit 2: Alternate Titles

Considering you don’t actually see the titular desolation until over halfway through the movie, I thought perhaps some alternate titles would be more appropriate. [Spoilers]

Wonder Woman in a movie… yay? 1

I’m going with… not yay. So this is the thing. Apparently Wonder Woman is going to make an appearance in the Batman vs. Superman movie. Numbered list, go! I seriously could not give less of a shit about this movie if I tried, Wonder Woman or no Wonder Woman. I’ve honestly never been that in ...

[Movie] Catching Fire

This movie made me actually cry twice and tear up an additional four times. What even gave you the right, Catching Fire? You’re supposed to be a big-budget sci-fi action movie. What’s with this actual heart-punching emotion in the middle of all the wacky fashions and shouting and stabbing things? Effie made me cry. Effie Fucking ...

[Movie] Lady Eve 2

As a happy birthday to myself, I decided to go see The Lady Eve at the Alamo Drafthouse, since it was one of their special offerings for badass ladies month. The Lady Eve was filmed in 1941, so I wouldn’t blame you if you’ve never heard of it. I certainly hadn’t, until I watched the trailer at the Drafthouse before Thor ...