Alternate Titles for X-Men: Apocalypse

X-MEN: The Best Apology for X3 We’ll Get Because Seppuku Isn’t Exactly Legal The Perfect Mohawk Storm We Need to Talk About Erik A Decade Later and Charles and Erik Are Still Arguing About Who Broke That Fucking Pickle Dish Marriage Counseling Would Be Cheaper Than an Apocalypse You Sure Don’t Look Ten Years Older Moira McTaggert ...

[Movie] Thoughts on Captain America: Civil War 7

Well, holy shit. I went in expecting a hot mess that I’d love anyway (hello, Age of Ultron) and instead got a movie that I feel like I need to make dying seagull noises about and then place it on a shelf next to Captain America: The Winter Soldier. I’m not going to write a more standard-ish review. ...

[Movie] The Boss 2

The Boss isn’t getting very good reviews. As of right now, it’s at 17% on Rotten Tomatoes. (For what it’s worth, The Huntsman: Winter’s War is only at 19% and I thought that was pulpy fantasy fun, so maybe I just have terrible taste.) But I decided to see it anyway, for exactly one reason: the ...

[Movie] The Huntsman: Winter’s War 1

As half-prequel, half-sequel to 2012’s Snow White and the Huntsman, The Huntsman: Winter’s War pretty much nails everything that was fun about the first film (namely, the Huntsman and the Evil Queen Ravenna) and leaves behind the less arresting bits (eg: Kristen Stewart’s Snow White). If you liked the first movie, you’re going to like this one. ...

[movie] I Saw the Light 1

[movie] I Saw the Light
I was legally required to see this movie, because Tom Hiddleston. Well, and because I actually really like Hank Williams, so I was excited about a biopic for him, even if my initial reaction to the announcement was oh dear god but Hiddleston sounds so British. Silly me. I’m not a native of the south (and I’m ...

[Movie] 10 Cloverfield Lane 1

I almost didn’t watch this movie. I never saw Cloverfield, and heard enough about it that I wasn’t really all that interested in it. So something that sounded like it might be a sequel wasn’t really on my radar. But then I heard from Sunil that this was a standalone thing, and more importantly, there weren’t ...

[Movie] Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Alfred 8

Batman vs Superman is the story of an engineering genius named Alfred who has decided to dedicate his life in service to the Wayne family as a butler, much to his detriment. As not-so-young-any-more Master Bruce goes into an out-of-control spiral of obsession laced with extremely lucid an violent dreams that really ought to have ...

[Movie] Zootopia

I’ve been avoiding writing about this movie. Not because it’s bad. Hell no. Exact opposite. But because there’s just so much meat there that I’m not even sure where to start. Well, I’ll start by saying that I absolutely loved this movie, and that I almost didn’t see it. After my feeling of profound meh ...

[Movie] Gods of Egypt: Should’ve got the lettuce wrap 11

[Movie] Gods of Egypt: Should've got the lettuce wrap
Well, you jerks gave enough money to Act For Change. You paid for my suffering. Here’s what you get. And by the way? The manager at my local Alamo Drafthouse, who now recognizes me on sight, initially assumed I was there to watch Kiki’s Delivery Service. Oh no, I told him. Gods of Egypt. His eyebrows ...

[Movie] The VVitch 4

Hey you! Yeah you! I’m raising money for Act for Change, and in exchange I’ll drunk watch Gods of Egypt and chronicle my suffering for your enjoyment. Details here. I don’t even do the horror thing, why do I keep watching these movies? It’s all David Annandale‘s fault, basically. I saw this trailer for The ...