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guest post movie watched a movie so you don't have to

[Guest Post] The Flesh: Goldblum versus Fly (1986)

Note from Rachael: I love this post from Bonnie Jo Stufflebeam so much that I think this might become the favored format for all guest posts in the blog from now on. Call it Guest Writer Watches a Movie So You Don’t Have To. Or maybe something catchier.

Anyone who knows me knows that I can’t watch gory movies. I have to avert my eyes, even for the smallest hint of blood. Anyone who knows me well knows I can’t resist Jeff Goldblum, with his healthy ego and his slightly-stammering speech patterns. So when I decided to watch a monster movie for Rachael’s blog in order to promote my fiction-music project Strange Monsters, funding on Kickstarter until August 1st, I decided I had better pit my love of Goldblum against my dislike of gore and watch and record my reactions to The Fly*.

Why is The Fly related to my album project? Well, okay, I could write something lengthy and insightful about how the stories in my Kickstarter all question our concept of what makes someone monstrous, and since Cronenberg makes us both enamored (just me? Probably not just me) and repulsed by Brundle the half-creepy/half-endearing scientist protagonist, it was only logical I watch this particular movie. But really I’ve just been hearing about it for so long it seemed an inevitable fate. It’s one of the Goldblum masterpieces I’ve been too chicken, until now, to watch.

*Fermented beverage was imbibed during the watching of this movie.

Here goes:

Okay, here’s Jeff Goldblum’s character being creepy at a party, but since I know he’s legit it’s not necessarily a turnoff. He can make me cappuccino, anytime. Well, except cappuccino makes me nervous (too much caffeine), but I do love the smell so maybe I can just smell the cappuccino and he can talk to me about fake science.

His house is “cleaner on the inside.” Is this a mangled Doctor Who reference? Is Seth Brundle the generic, less exciting version of a time lord?

Things I know about Seth Brundle: Seth Brundle gives away research secrets for a date. Seth Brundle writes with French fries, unlike us lesser humans who write with pens and pencils and sparklers. Seth Brundle hates baboons (not the baboon! Ugggggggghhhhhhhh, I’m already regretting the decision to watch this movie).

“I must not know enough about the flesh myself. I’ll have to learn.” <Best pickup line ever?

Say “the flesh” again.

He offers Veronica two steaks: one that’s gone through the teleporter, and one that hasn’t. He offers them to the reported for an “objective opinion,” but tells her which one was teleported. Come on, Seth Brundle. Bad science!

Veronica’s buying him clothes. Well, that escalated quickly.

The moral of this movie is: jealousy will turn you into a fly. Looks like I don’t need to watch any further.

There’s that flesh Seth/Jeff keeps going on about.

It’s begun. Things I’ve learned about flies: they’re flexible. Good at gymnastics. And have a lot of sexual stamina?

Shit, Brundle/Goldblum is being a dick. Don’t be a dick! It hurts my head not to like your character.

The plasma spring sounds like a swimming hole I’d like to avoid.

I’m at the arm wrestling scene. Oh balls, the wrist! And the woman’s into it? I don’t know about anyone else, but watching bone pop out of the flesh doesn’t make me want to have sex. Probably just me, though.

Seth Goldblum just pulled his fingernails off. Okay, movie over. Great film. I’m done. Fuck, David Cronenberg! Why do you do this to me?

“Secondary element is not-Brundle.” I like this. On my off days I am not-Stufflebeam.

The secret is out, on all counts. What a start to a relationship!

Oh holy fuck, with the vomit and the ear and the face.

She’s pregnant with the fly-baby. Did they use condoms and/or other birth control? I’m thinking two highly intelligent people would use some form of birth control. Also, why are these accidental pregnancies so common in movies? Birth control must only be 20% effective in movie-world.

Oh fuck with the teeth. He’s keeping his parts in the medicine cabinet? Well, okay, isn’t that where everyone keeps their extra body parts? (I’d probably keep them in the fridge. Less rot that way.)

An insect politician would be a lot more interesting than most of our human politicians.

Seth Goldblum: “I’ll hurt you if you stay.” Is the Fly seriously making me cry?

He melted the editor-man’s hand. Now I’m crying for a different reason.

Shedding the flesh! Shedding the flesh! Why is this happening? (And now I’m singing “shedding the flesh” to the tune of “Stayin’ Alive.”)

I might have lost my attraction to Goldblum. Better watch the Portlandia episode with the beet sketch. That’s better.

Final verdict: if you stop watching right before he first teleports, when he’s naked in the pod, the Fly is a perfect movie.

(PS from Rachael: go support this kickstarter. It’s an excellent project and I’m supporting it too. Bonnie has earned it with her delicious suffering.)

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guest post

[Guest Post] Daniel Ausema on Steampunk

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When I talk to some people, the word steampunk conjures images of comedies of error and high society members speaking loftily of their exploits and adventures, the latest in airships and steam-cars and gossip. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s certainly far from encompassing the full breadth of the genre.

Several years ago, on a guest blog on Jeff VanderMeer’s blog, Catherynne Valente had a post about steampunk, urging writers not to forget the punk part of the name. Punk, for her at least, meant a focus on those outside of power and a distinct distrust of authority.

I’m a generation too young to have any real identification with punk music, and I wasn’t into alternative music, its successor in many ways, when I was in high school, but her post definitely resonated with me. At the time I was already deep into the first draft of Spire City, Season One, and I saw that her points matched with what I was writing. Spire City focuses on a group of outcasts who have been infected by a mad scientist’s serum. To most of the city, and especially those in charge, that scientist isn’t seen as mad in the least, but a prominent member of society. So their story, by definition, must focus on the characters’ position outside of power.

When I think about it, this focus extends to other things I’ve written, as well. There was a time when what I wrote fit more clearly in the high fantasy category. Always on the margins of that, but more that than anything else. My focus was never on kings and queens, though, not on famous generals or powerful wizards or great knights. I wrote about commoners. Commoners who found themselves embroiled in the events of the realm, no doubt, who might come into some measure of power, but it’s always from an outsider perspective.

It feels, without trying to be melodramatic, like a valuable perspective, especially when so much of the online conversations I’ve had of late center on the same issues of power and privilege and the sense of injustice and anger.

So steampunk, to me, always at least has a foot in the underside of society. The soot-chugging factories no less than the gleaming brass boilers, the street urchins no less than the dashing sky pirates. And all the real-world tensions of privileged elites and overworked classes, often immigrant or colonized or both.

I absolutely despise any attempts to make grand statements of “this is steampunk and that isn’t” or anything of the sort. Often the best stories are found just beyond the edges of any sort of definitive border people try to create (around steampunk, around fantasy, around SF). This is not a manifesto calling everyone to write the same as I do. I do, though, believe strongly in the power of stories to help us see the world around us better. So whether I’m writing steampunk or something else entirely, it’s where I stake my place. Maybe others will come and pitch their literary tents nearby.

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Spire City is home to mighty machines of steam power and clockwork, and giant beetles pull picturesque carriages over cobbled streets, but there is a darker secret behind these wonders. A deadly infection, created by a mad scientist, is spreading through the city, targeting the poor and powerless, turning them slowly into animals. A group of those infected by the serum join together to survive, to trick the wealthy out of their money, and to fight back.

A new episode of Spire City is published every three weeks by Musa Publishing. The episodes of Season One: Infected are collected in two bundles, Contagion and Epidemic. Season Two: Pursued began publication on November 28, 2014 with “Lady Janshi’s Acolyte.”

Daniel Ausema (@ausema) has a background in experiential education and journalism and is now a stay-at-home dad. His fiction and poetry have appeared and are forthcoming in many publications, including Daily Science Fiction, The Journal of Unlikely Stories, and Strange Horizons. He lives in Colorado, at the foot of the Rockies. (Amazon)

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guest post

[Guest Post] Epic-Urban Whiplash

I’m trying out something a little different on the ol’ blog – a guest post! If you’d be interested in being a guest over here, drop me an e-mail and we can chat. Anyway, here’s Gail Z. Martin about her case of genre whiplash:

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Gail Z. Martin:

After seven years of writing epic fantasy, I’ll have both a new epic novel and a new urban fantasy coming out in 2014. It’s been fun to work in both camps simultaneously, but it’s also been challenging, and sometimes I have to remind myself which century I’m in.

My Ascendant Kingdoms Saga is a post-apocalyptic medieval setting where the magic upon which the culture depends has failed as a result of a devastating war. It’s a tough, gritty existence, made more so by the absence of usable magic. My characters have lost a civilization equivalent to the High Middle Ages, and are trying to salvage and rebuild from the ruins. By our standards, their life would have been hard before the war and the loss of magic. By their standards, life afterwards is barely sustainable.

My new Deadly Curiosities novel is set in modern-day Charleston, SC. Cassidy Kincaide is the owner of Trifles & Folly, an antique and curio shop that really exists to get dangerous magical objects off the market. Charleston is a grand city that is very much alive and well, and I love visiting whenever I have a chance. Not only have I not blown up the world in Cassidy’s book, her whole goal is to keep anyone else from doing that.

One of the things that has been fun–and challenging–about writing epic and urban at the same time has been switching between narrative styles. The newest book in the Ascendant Kingdoms series, and all my epic books, is written in third-person narrative. I’m constantly looking up words to make sure they are period-appropriate. And while it’s a fantasy world of my own construct, I still do a lot of historical research to make sure that what I’m writing is plausible, possible or within precedent.

Of course with Deadly Curiosities, I’m writing about modern American culture in a Southern city. It’s a first-person narrative, and the dialog is going to be consistent with how we speak today, with some Southern idiom thrown in for flavor. (I’ve been living in the South now for 15 years, so that part has been thoroughly researched!).Deadly Curiosities has a bit more humor, a little lighter touch, because it isn’t the tough struggle for survival my characters face in Ice Forged. There are life-and-death struggles, but the tenor of the book as a whole is very different.

When I took on the two projects, I wondered how it would work and whether I’d be able to jump in and out of the worlds easily. What I found is that the challenge has been a real creativity boost and a lot of fun. I haven’t had any difficulty getting back into the mood or the characters’ heads when I’ve switched off projects, and I’m having a blast.

Maybe the moral of the story is, if you’ve been putting off tackling a project because it seems too different, jump in. You might just find that the switch-off brings creative benefits!

Come check out all the free excerpts, book giveaways and other goodies that are part of my Days of the Dead blog tour! Trick-or-Treat you way through more than 30 partner sites where you’ll find brand new interviews, freebies and more–details at www.AscendantKingdoms.com.

Ice Forged will be a Kindle Daily Deal with a special one-day price of just $1.99 only on October 31! Get it here: http://amzn.com/B008AS86QY

Reign of Ash, book two in the Ascendant Kingdoms Saga launches in April, 2014 from Orbit Books. My new urban fantasy, Deadly Curiosities, comes out in July, 2014 from Solaris Books. I bring out two series of ebook short stories with a new story every month for just .99 on Kindle, Kobo and Nook—check out the Jonmarc Vahanian Adventures or the Deadly Curiosities Adventures.

About the author: Gail Z. Martin is the author of Ice Forged in The Ascendant Kingdoms Saga and the upcoming Reign of Ash (Orbit Books, 2014), plus The Chronicles of The Necromancer series (The Summoner, The Blood King, Dark Haven & Dark Lady’s Chosen ) from Solaris Books and The Fallen Kings Cycle (The Sworn and The Dread) from Orbit Books. In 2014, Gail launches a new urban fantasy novel, Deadly Curiosities, from Solaris Books. She is also the author of two series of ebook short stories: The Jonmarc Vahanian Adventures and the Deadly Curiosities Adventures. Find her at www.ChroniclesOfTheNecromancer.com, on Twitter @GailZMartin, on Facebook.com/WinterKingdoms, at DisquietingVisions.com blog and GhostInTheMachinePodcast.com.