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awesome movie review

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Try, for a moment, to imagine the most ridiculously awesome thing possible. Imagine a unicorn composed of woven rainbows and cotton candy with hooves of chiming silver bells and a goofy, horsey smile. Imagine this unicorn galloping across a sky made of pie and pudding and baby giggles while Eric Prydz’s Call On Me remix plays in an endless disco loop in the background. And on this unicorn’s back are Lady Gaga and Tom Hiddleston, wearing matching meat dresses, holding hands and singing along while fireworks and magical sparkles burst into being and simultaneously Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks a velociraptor in the face over and over again for all eternity.

Got that all?

Okay. Now imagine something even more awesome.

You can’t.

That’s because you haven’t seen Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter yet. You lack the necessary vocabulary for the sort of awesome we’re talking about here.

Let me put it to you straight. This is not a good movie. God no. The pacing gets weird, some of the characters can’t seem to figure out who exactly they are from one scene to another, and to call some of the dialog cringe-inducing would be a kindness. And it doesn’t actually matter.

Because let’s be honest. You aren’t watching this movie because you want to watch something good. You’re watching it because you want to see Abraham Motherfucking Lincoln kill a shitload of vampires. With an ax. Which he twirls around like he’s in the color guard contingent recruited directly from Hell. You’re watching this moving because it’s shit-eating-grin cracked-out fun.

Which is exactly what it is. Anyone who tries to take this movie seriously (or thinks this movie is in any way taking itself seriously) is missing the point entirely. It’s not supposed to be serious, or good, or compelling. It’s supposed to be a thing that makes you giggle so hard with pure, child-like glee that you think you’re going to strain a muscle in your face.

I paid $10.50 to see this movie and I feel like I got every penny of enjoyment I was owed and more, from the first ridiculous moment of bitty Abraham Lincoln running at a bad guy with a hatchet to the first part of the credits where they make a map of the US out of flowing cgi blood.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is one of those rare movies where what you saw in the trailer is exactly what you get out of the movie. So if you watched the trailer and thought “Hell yeah I want to eat some fucking popcorn and watch vampires with bad southern accents get chopped apart in random moments of super slow motion” then go to your theater, throw money at them, and get on your goddamn magic unicorn.

If me stating: Dude. It’s a hatchet. With a gun in it. It’s a fucking HATCHETGUN, doesn’t make you want to instantly reach through the internet and engage in a serious brofist, this is not the movie for you.

Trust me.

Honest as Abe.

Categories
awesome science fair

Denver Metro science fair

I spent most of my day yesterday at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science as a judge for the Denver Metro Science and Engineering Fair. I thought the Denver Public School science fair was going to leave me feeling more confident, but I was wrong.

The environment was just very different. At the DPS fair we had to look at four or five projects over the course of two hours. At this fair, it was 10 projects in the same amount of time, and this time I also didn’t have a partner. There were two other judges looking at the same ten projects as me, so it meant we got to chat about them a little, which helped. But I was on my own with talking to the kids, and that was a bit nerve wracking at first just because I wasn’t quite sure what questions to ask. Then again, with 10 projects and only two hours, I didn’t have a whole lot of time to spend with each kid; a little less than ten minutes to talk, and then a few minutes to go off in a quiet corner to write some comments on the scoring sheet.

I’m not the best at talking to people I don’t know, but I think I muddled through well enough once I’d had a couple practice runs. I basically started off by asking the kid to just describe their project to me and tell me why they had wanted to do it. From there, I was normally able to find a couple of questions to ask, like, “How many trials did you run?” or “Which variables did you control?” or even, “If you had this to do over again, what would you change about your setup?” I actually got some extremely good answers for that last question, which made me happy. A big part of this sort of experimentation is running one experiment, figuring out all of the things you did wrong that make your results less than useful, and then trying again with the design flaws fixed.

This time I was also dealing with a higher grade level – the junior division, 6-8 grade – as well, so the projects were understandably more complex. I was put in the physical science category, which I felt a little out of my depth in since I’m not a chemistry or physics person. Then again, we weren’t really dealing with chemistry/physics more complex than you’d get out of your first two semesters, which is still impressive in itself when you realize that it’s middle school students working on these projects.

Aside: Some of the kids I spoke with were as tall as me. This should be illegal.

Overall, the quality of the projects was extremely impressive. I can’t imagine being able to come up with anything as cool as some of the experiments now, let alone when I was thirteen. I’m not going to say anything about the winning or favorite projects at the moment, since I checked the schedule and the awards ceremony isn’t actually until tonight. And while I doubt that any of the three or four people that read this blog have kids that participated in the science fair, if I’m putting this out on the internet I think it’s best to just keep it under my hat.

Several of the kids I talked to pointed to an episode of Mythbusters as the reason they wanted to try a particular experiment to see for themselves. Warm fuzzies all over again for that. One of the projects that I saw (though it wasn’t in my category) even had “Myth Busted” in its title. I was also incredibly happy to see a lot of young girls with some really fantastic projects and a lot of enthusiasm for the scientific process.

I’m still trying to mentally sort through my day. It was bigger, louder, and much more hectic than the other science fair, as one might expect. I’m considering seeing if I can volunteer for the Colorado State science fair. I think it’d be a great experience to spend a Thursday in April feeling completely stunned by how much smarter than me a bunch of teenagers are.

Categories
awesome science fair

My first science fair

As a judge, at least. I know I did at least one science fair when I was in elementary school, which involved an extremely lame experiment that had to do with getting mold to grow on bread. I wasn’t all that excited about it. Now I can look back on my lack of enthusiasm as a wasted opportunity, but I think I turned out okay.

I was actually supposed to judge in a school science fair a couple of weeks ago. The night before was when the Stomach Virus Fairy visited me, however, and I was in no condition to go. So this was my first one.

The judging actually went differently then I expected. We were each assigned a grade, and then put in teams. I ended up being very grateful for this; a big part of judging a project is asking the kid questions about their project, and I didn’t really know where to start. My partner, Shannon, is an old hand at science fairs and knew exactly what sorts of questions were appropriate to ask the kids. I ended up being assigned to the fourth grade projects.

Looking around the room, though, there were some pretty cool projects to be seen. You could tell a lot of these kids were seriously jazzed about their experiments and had put a lot of thought and work in to it.

My personal favorites:

– A project exploring whether cats have a color preference, which included photographs of the two adorable experiment subjects, Pirate and Lucy.

– A project about the power of suggestion (regarding things like pareidolia) where the hypothesis was (paraphrasing a little): “Using the force of my personality and their trust in me, I will cause people to give me the answers I suggest.”

And then of course, the project that ultimately won first place for fourth grade. All of us noticed the project board right away because it looked super good and professional. After our first two kids, Shannon and I stopped and looked at the board a little closer and noticed that the experiment was about the way non-Newtonian fluids react to pressure. Both of us immediately thought, “We so hope we get to talk to this kid.”

We did! We’re so lucky. The kid, named Roger, that did the experiment has got to be the most well spoken fourth grader I’ve encountered in my life. Hell, he was more coherent and well-spoken than a lot of the kids I’ve met at college. Shannon quizzed him unmercifully about his experiment, and it became very apparent that he was deeply interested in what he’d done, and that he also really understood the subject matter. The part that really just blew me away was when he talked about the two non-Newtonian fluids he used – ketchup and water mixed with corn starch. We asked him why the two fluids had reacted so differently when he tried to stir them quickly, and he told us that he’d been confused about that at first, then had done more research and discovered that the ketchup must be a shear-thinning non-Newtonian fluid, while the water with corn starch was a shear-thickening non-Newtonian fluid. And then explained the basics of what shear force is.

Sometimes I really worry about the future, particularly seeing the hit science often takes in public schools. Meeting kids like Roger – and pretty much everyone who had made it to the district-wide fair – gives me hope for the future. There are still boys and girls out there that are really interested in science and excited about exploring the world around them.

One of the other incredibly cool things that I just have to share – at the beginning of his discussion, I asked Roger why he’d decided to do this experiment. He told me that he’s a huge fan of the Myth Busters and had seen them run across the water/corn starch fluid in their episode about ninja. And that the third phase of his experiment, where he put the different liquids in to a speaker cone to see how they reacted to loud music, he’d seen on The Big Bang Theory and thought it looked really cool, so he wanted to try it himself.

I hope wherever they are, Adam and Jamie and Bill Prady are feeling a big warm fuzzy. There are amazing little kids like Roger out there watching and being inspired to try out the science. That’s surely something to be proud of.

Categories
awesome

Quite possibly the greatest thing you will ever watch

I apologize for the terribly late post. Today was utterly atrocious; I set my alarm to the wrong time, and just in case I somehow could have teleported myself to the bus stop in the necessary ten minutes it would have taken before my normal bus showed up, it was snowing. A light snow. A snow that left the highways covered with significant amounts of no-this-isn’t-ice-it’s-just-a-bit-damp. So as you can imagine, traffic was at a standstill as everyone in Colorado realized that they hadn’t actually seen snow before, and that the best place to stare at it in rapt fascination was on the US-36 stretch between Westminster and Boulder.

Then I had a class project to work on this afternoon, because in this great state, we believe in adding insult to injury.

Whining done, I would draw your attention to this. It is quite possibly the greatest thing you will ever watch. And involves the most classic taste combination since someone got chocolate in their peanut butter: hand puppets and theoretical physics.

Categories
awesome

A Klingon Christmas Carol

Seriously. Why can’t this be playing in Colorado? Curse you, Minnesota!!!!

“Klingons wouldn’t care if Scrooge wasn’t charitable and nice,” added Kidder. The tale, as it is told in the translated version is that of a Klingon who has no courage, nor honor: two virtues of Klingon society. “The spirits that visit Scrooge are all trying to help him become an honorable and courageous warrior.”

Categories
awesome

Will Phillips Is My Hero

You may not have heard about Will Phillips until now. I hadn’t either; this morning I was going through the Friendly Atheist RSS feed and saw this post that links to several video clips about him.

Will won’t stand up for the Pledge of Allegiance because:

“I’ve always tried to analyze things because I want to be lawyer,” Will said. “I really don’t feel that there’s currently liberty and justice for all.”

He’s taken a stand (by sitting down) about the way LGBT Americans are treated, and he’s gotten sent to the principal’s office over it. He’s faced a lot of loud hostility from his fellow students. And he’s not backing down.

Oh yeah, and he’s only ten years old.

So this is me adding my voice to all of Will’s supporters on the internet. You’re my hero, Will. You’re one smart, strong kid, and I can’t wait to see the name taking and ass-kicking you’ll be doing when you grow up.

Like most people who are no longer in the public school system, it’s been a long time since I’ve been put in a position where I’d have to say the Pledge of Allegiance. The last time that I can remember was at a city council meeting that I attended as part of an assignment for my basic political science class. On that occasion, I stood up for the Pledge, but I didn’t put my hand over my heart, and I sure didn’t say it. Like Will, I feel like there isn’t “liberty and justice for all” in the US right now. (Not that there really has been in the past.)

And I have the added utter contempt for the phrase “under God,” for its absolute hypocrisy when we live in a country with the separation of church and state enshrined in the constitution, for the disgusting stain of McCarthyism that has still not been expunged after fifty years, and for the hatred and attacks aimed at me and my fellow atheists by the people who like to point at that single stupid phrase to justify the lie that we’re a “Christian nation” and I should “love it or leave it.”

We adults don’t encounter the Pledge often, and I’m grateful for it. The whole thing makes me uncomfortable, because I don’t agree with the Pledge, and I don’t like the nationalist overtones. As an adult, you don’t have many opportunities to take issue with the Pledge (unless you’re in public office, maybe) other than writing cranky blog posts about it. It warms my heart that Will (and some other kids here and there across the country) are taking their chance to make their point, and strongly. If it gets other people of any age to think about what’s going on, it’s surely worth it.

Categories
awesome zomg

Cloudy with a chance of rhyolite.

A Planet Where It “Rains” Rocks

Perhaps because they were cooked off, COROT-7b’s atmosphere has none of the volatile elements or compounds that make up Earth’s atmosphere, such as water, nitrogen and carbon dioxide. “The only atmosphere this object has is produced from vapor arising from hot molten silicates in a lava lake or lava ocean,” Fegley says.

It cannot possibly get awesomer (I was going to say “cooler” but that seems somehow inappropriate) than this. Glee!

Categories
awesome music

Here Comes Science!

I’ll admit it; I actually haven’t listened to They might Be Giants in quite a long time, probably not since high school. I originally got turned on to their music because I watched Tiny Toon Adventures (and I am not ashamed!) and there was an episode of it that was just animated music videos to songs off of Flood. I bought Flood and enjoyed it, but after that I got a little too caught up in being a teenager and listening to music that involved a lot of screaming and the sounds of people torturing electric guitars with dental instruments.

I heard that the band’s been putting out more kid-oriented music and then my friend Chelsea posted on Twitter that the Here Comes Science was really awesome. Since I’m a slave to anything that is about how cool science is, I bought the album from iTunes and just finished listening to it.

It is a really awesome album. Seriously. It’s also definitely kid-safe, kid-friendly, and something kids can enjoy. They may not get all the words, but particularly songs like “The Bloodmobile,” “Cells,” “Solid, Liquid, Gas,” and “Speed and Velocity” put the scientific concepts in to terms I think kids could easily understand. (Man, it would have been nice if someone had explained the difference between speed and velocity to me before I hit the evil brick wall of Physics I in college. Bonus points for in an upbeat song.) And man, are the songs upbeat! I can’t listen to “Why Does the Sun Shine?” and “I Am a Paleontologist” without bouncing around.

And of course, as a bonus to the fun tunes, the lyrics are most excellent.

The first song (“Science Is Real”) lays it out immediately:

I like the stories
About angels, unicorns and elves
Now I like those stories
As much as anybody else
But when I’m seeking knowledge
Either simple or abstract
The facts are with science

Squee!

And of course, for the budding skeptics out there, we’ve got “Put It to the Test:”

If somebody says they figured it out
And they’re leaving any room for doubt
Come up with a test
Yeah, you need a test

Are you sure that that thing is true?
Or did someone just tell it to you?
Come up with a test

The essence of skepticism, in one cute, bouncy song.

Evolution is mentioned several times in the album, and gets a song all of its own as well, “My Brother the Ape:”

But I’ll admit that I look more like a chimp
Than I look like my cousin the shrimp
Or my distant kin the lichens
Or the snowy egret or the moss
And I find it hard to recognize
Some relatives of ours
Like the rotifer, the sycamore
Iguanas and sea stars

I love it! I think kids will love this to bits. And heck, I’m not a kid and I love it to bits too. I need to dig up Flood as well and put it on my iPod again.

Categories
awesome technology volcano

Spiderbots!

From the Department of That Is Some Awesome Technology You’ve Got There: Scientists invent ’spiderbots’ that talk amongst themselves inside active volcano.

I think this is some pretty exciting stuff, and I’m glad to see that NASA is working on it. Basically, they’re developing robots to form a self-healing network for sensing seismic data. The fact that they’re developing these little bots to use in volcanoes means that we’re going to get some incredibly hardy technology out of it. This latest permutation of the bots communicates with satellites.

It sounds like a very good set-up for eventually going extraterrestrial with them. Just imagine being able to put a bunch of these little guys down on Venus, or one of the very seismically active moons of Jupiter. Since the little guys are autonomous for setting up and routing the data they collect, they’ll be able to respond very quickly if one of the other robots gets damaged or disabled, so there would be very little interruption to gathering data. Which would be important, since the sort of event most likely to damage a little robot like these ones would be the very sort of events they’re supposed to monitor – earthquakes and eruptions.

Of course, beyond the geeky squealing I’m having over exploring other planets in our solar system, just having this sort of monitoring in place in our own volcanoes will do a lot to advance geological science. We still can’t really predict volcanic eruptions with real accuracy. Right now the best you can do is look at things like the amount of toxic gas a volcano is putting out and monitoring earthquake swarms that indicate magma is moving. Which gives you an answer of “soon,” but in geology, “soon” is a very fuzzy concept that’s not fine-tuned for short human timescales. So my hope is that maybe with much more precise, detailed, and constant monitoring of this sort, we could eventually come to a better understanding of the internal workings of volcanoes, and thus the warning signs when an eruption is imminent in the human meaning of the word.

Also, I admit that I just love it whenever I read about self-healing networks. I actually started out my working life as a technician for AT&T, at a time when self-healing fiber optic and sonet rings were getting their real start in the network. I still think that sort of technology is incredibly cool.