bad movie review – Alex Acks: Sound and Nerdery

So back in February, a bunch of people donated the princely sum of over $800 to domestic violence charities to make me watch and blog about 50 Shades of Grey. I’d hoped to get a bit more money for charity by holding my handwritten notes hostage; that didn’t succeed.

After thinking about it, and looking over said notes (wow, my handwriting does some amazing things when I’m drunk) I’ve decided:

These are kind of hilarious and I think people should be able to read them.
I’m just going to make the inclusion of the notes standard from now on, to go with the blog post. Charity still wins.

Sorry, I no longer have my notes from the horrible TMNT remake, but those were probably not nearly as funny, as I did not get nearly that drunk.

So here are the notes. May you sadistic bastards choke on all 14 pages of them.

You know, the new one, produced by my favorite ever, Michael Bay. Because there is still a part of my childhood that has not been violated. In which all of the turtles look like Shrek.

(Why should you want me to watch horrible movies? Well, for one, money goes to charity. For two, you’re sadistic bastards that like making me suffer. And for three, I then write things like this.)

I wasn’t actually even thinking about this one, just because of scheduling fuckery. Bay’s TMNT comes out on August 8. I am literally flying to the UK on the evening of August 7, and will not be back until August 19. The earliest I could conceivably see the movie would be that evening, whilst terribly jetlagged. Not that I’m saying that’s a bad thing, more just pointing out that the movie will not be quite so fresh by that point. Or I could wait a couple days until after my foot surgery on August 21, at which point I won’t be able to drink, but I will be on vicodin. So yeah.

Anyway I’ve now had four different people ask me if I’m going to watch this one and review it, despite the aforementioned scheduling issues. And I don’t mind the requests, I really don’t, since I like helping worthy causes get money. It’s more I only just did T4 and I’m going to be late on this one, so I feel kind of bad asking people to open their wallets again so soon.

THEN AGAIN, Y’ALL ARE ASKING ME TO SUFFER, THIS DAMN SOON.

So here’s the deal.

If you all donate at least $300 across the following charities, I will go see TMNT by August 24 and blog about it. Possibly while having a bad trip that involves Shrek and pizza and oh god why. And you guys get a discount because I will be seeing the movie so late.

If you donate $450, you get the scans of the handwritten notes, as per Transformers 4.

Charities:

As always, honor system. If you donate, contact me via social media, e-mail me, or leave a comment here to be counted. (You’ll get an acknowledgment from me if I see you.)

PROGRESS: $300/$300

Get it to $450 and you get handwritten notes!

A GIANT ~~THANK YOU~~ F*U TO

Jess: $100
Chris Berry: $50
Thomas Pluck: $20
Laura Simpson: $50
Keeley: $80