Tag: politics

Categories
politics

Assault weapons ban press conference

Today Senator Feinstein proposed her new assault weapons ban. A friend of mine went to the press conference for it and this is what she had to say afterward:

There were a lot of good speakers; both Conn. Senators, the CT Rep from the district that Sandy Hook is in, survivors of VTech, relatives of victims of VTech.
Officer Charles Ramsey from Philedelphia had one of the most powerful speeches; he was really passionate about it.
They also had some examples of the weapons that would be banned on display: all of them are military style and don’t belong on the streets.
Also, notably, the bill includes clauses that explicitly protect guns designed for hunting or sport, or require manual operation.
Call your representatives, call your senators, demand that they vote for it.
Well, it was a press conference, not an actual Senate meeting.
Also the NRA is throwing a bitch fit about it. Even though 74% of their membership support an assault weapons ban.
I want to call the NRA and throw the whole ‘guns don’t kill people’ thing in their face.
People kill people. They just are able to kill a lot more people with assault weapons.
These are not weapons designed for sport, or hunting. They are designed to kill as much as possible, in as short a time as possible, with minimal reloads.
True, in the military they are used more for suppressive fire in combat, but the shooters in the mass murders of recent years always aimed to kill with the weapons.
40% of all mass shootings in America’s history have happened in the last nine years since the expiration of the 1994 assault weapons ban.
Oh, also: there’s a march for assault weapon control on Saturday in DC.

Re: inevitable argument that guns are just tools, guns don’t kill people, etc etc:

Categories
science

And this is why research funding is important.

Lack Of Up-To-Date Research Complicates Gun Debate – which is to say there’s not a lot of good, current public health research about violence and mortality as it relates to guns because congress has, over the years, basically prevented it using funding restrictions.

I hate this politicization of research funding. It goes beyond gross, beyond lying to win an argument, and somewhere into the realm of wicked. You can’t make good decisions without good facts, without knowing what the world actually looks like. And defunding research because it’s going to tell you facts you don’t like is an act of contemptible, willful ignorance. Science isn’t there to give you easy answers or make you feel good about yourself and your dearly held beliefs. (You listening, creationists? Of course not.) It’s there to tell you what we’re pretty sure is reality and then you get to figure out how to go from there, better armed with knowledge.

I’m glad this hasn’t happened broadly to climate research in the US yet, though obviously some people sure wish it would. But at least something like climate change is a global issue, and there are many institutions outside of this country with an interest in tackling it, so the science could still continue, if hobbled. 
Defunding the research of uniquely American problems leaves us blind. And I guess leaves people free to make up whatever facts suit them. 
Goodie. 
But Rachael, asks my little gun-loving straw man, what if this research proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that guns don’t kill people, they actually just shoot out teddy bears and baby smiles and make you lose weight and spontaneously lower all carbon emissions?
Then I’d change my fucking mind about guns and buy a small armory. Because sometimes being wrong is painful, but I’m a grown-up and I can deal with it. 
I wonder if, say, Wayne LaPierre could say the same thing. 
You know what would be great? If we could have some research and find out.
Categories
politics Uncategorized

The end of the Violence Against Women Act

Okay, so it’s been over a day and I’m still trying to think of some kind of coherent response to the House killing the Violence Against Women Act. Because all I can really manage is a keysmash of rage. I mean, the Senate, the place where good legislation goes to die, managed to get its shit together on this one. Back in April, for fuck’s sake. You’d think this would be easy, right? Violence against women. No one’s for that, right? Right? Just like no one’s against puppies.

Apparently Eric Cantor didn’t like that the bill would make it easier for Native American women to pursue their rapists with the tribal legal system. And others didn’t like that there were expanded protections for immigrants and LGBT people. I’d say Cantor and his friends should be ashamed, but it’s pretty goddamn clear they have none.

The Violence Against Women Act is supposed to get brought back this year. I’m not laying any money on if the House will be a bunch of shameful shitcocks again. My mom (a woman) taught me not to make sucker bets. Disgusted. I am just disgusted. And argh. Goddamnit. ARGH.

#@$(U#J)FGWEKOP@(!UI#jk.

Categories
politics Uncategorized

Wayne LaPierre is an awful person, no one is surprised.

“More guns, you’ll claim, are the N.R.A.’s answer to everything,” he said. “Your implication will be that guns are evil and have no place in society, much less in our schools. But since when did the gun automatically become a bad word?” (source) 

Note please, Mr. LaPierre, that the headlines will claim that the NRA’s solution to everything is more guns because that is what you fucking said.

I watched the majority of the NRA press conference on Sky News in the empty bar of a hotel in London at oh my god in the morning. It was not the full press conference, mostly because every thirty seconds, the newscaster would break in and say something that roughly translated out to, “Are you fucking kidding me?” (But you know. It sounded more cultured because British accents do that.)

Which is basically how I felt.

Apparently the Sandy Hook shooting is the fault of video games and violent movies. The same video games and movies that are seen in countries throughout the world that don’t have our problem with gun violence.

“The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.”

Seriously, are you five? Have you forgotten that good guys with guns, that good cops, good federal agents, good soldiers get killed every fucking day with guns?

I didn’t expect anything good out of the NRA on this. But I expected better than the hostile call for more guns in schools, the angry finger pointing at the easy scapegoat of video games and the mentally ill, and the logic that we’d normally expect to see out of a kindergartner who hasn’t quite figured out how cause and effect work yet.

In a brief aside at a press conference this morning, the NRA’s chief executive officer blamed elementary school shootings in Newton, Conn, in part on the “nation’s refusal to create an active national database of the mentally ill.” (source)

National registries of gun owners are a violation of civil liberties, but it’s okay to do that to people who are or have been mentally ill. Right. Because it’s not okay to stigmatize gun ownership, but we should stigmatize the hell out of mental illness because it’s not difficult enough yet for people to get treatment.

There’s that old joke about the doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result being the definition of insanity. Well have we not been trying, over and over again, more guns as a country? More power for the NRA?

Though part of me that hopes this awful, pathetic, angry finger-shaking on the part of the NRA is because they know this time a line has been crossed. It’s the tantrum of an organization that knows things have gone to far and that there’s no going back from this. At least I can hope. Time will tell.

Categories
shooting

Politics is not an island

Another school shooting, with 27 dead, 18 of them children. At an elementary school. A fucking elementary school.

I have now seen people rushing both to frame this in a political context and to shout about people commenting on something politically when it’s a horrible tragedy. And it is horrible, and indescribable, and I cannot begin to imagine how the people in the community feel, let alone the families of the victims. I have been crying about this, about people I’ve never met and now will never possibly meet.

Yet I also think it’s bullshit to pretend that this is somehow separate from politics and should not be viewed in that light. A tragedy shouldn’t be used to score cheap, disgusting points in an argument, shouldn’t be used for manipulative posturing that solves nothing. A tragedy shouldn’t be reframed and distorted through the lens of ideology, just like facts shouldn’t be attacked because they’re inconvenient to beliefs.

But.

At the same time, politics is not an island and the availability of firearms in this country is a fucking political decision. The decisions we make as a country politically are felt by everyone who lives here, and those decisions have consequences, both bad and good. Things that happen in this country likewise should effect the political debate and should effect the decisions we make for the future. Things that make us angry, that make us cry are not sacrosanct. They are even more important because they tear at our very hearts.

Politics is about deciding what country we want to live in. It should be about having an honest conversation about problems and tragedies, and being able to stand up and say enough, this has to fucking stop.

That is not the same as politicizing.

I’m sick of writing posts like this. I don’t want to have to be afraid that someone I have never met with a gun and a dearth of morals or self control or mental health will end my life at a grocery store or a movie theater or a mall, or do the same to my niece when she is supposed to be in the safest of places. And because I don’t live on an island, that fear, that problem is not mine alone to solve.

Like it or not, how we solve problem together is politics.

ETA: My friend Kat has made a very good point in comments so please read that. Also, on LJ, Dan has pointed out:

I agree that it’s inherently a political issue. My problem with immediately discussing political solutions (everything from “ban all the guns now” to “if those kids had been carrying, this wouldn’t have happened”) is that people tend to make very, very bad decisions in the wake of a tragedy. “USA-PATRIOT” comes to mind.

Which is also a very, very good point. I would still say we need to take this energy and go into debate. But let it be a reasoned debate. 
Categories
abortion liveblog suffering for charity

Liveblog of 180

Okay, as promised. You guys are awesome and donated over $200 to the Red Cross, so I’m here to take my punishment. I’m going to watch the Ray Comfort “documentary” 180, a copy of which was left on my buddy David’s windshield one day when he was parked near a Planned Parenthood. (That this particular Planned Parenthood is not a location that offers abortion services is neither here nor there.)

If for some perverse and awful reason you would like to play along at home. You can actually watch this entire thing on youtube. Sorry, can’t bring myself to embed this one on my blog.

If you want to watch this update live, you’ll have to go to the blog page and reload it every few minutes. I’ll update entries elsewhere once I’m done with the liveblog.

T-minus seven minutes to suffering time.

This is the cover of the DVD, by the way. I’m thinking there’s some false advertisement to the “hottest movie” on the internet thing. I’m pretty sure porn could be characterized as hotter, for example. And any bootleg of a movie that involves Tom Hiddleston will also win on the hot factor.

But apparently my world is going to be rocked for 33 minutes. Come at me, bro.

1300 – The DVD menu music is a dramatic piano riff that sounds like something you’d expect in, say, The Sixth Sense while there’s a montage going on, or perhaps Bruce Willis walking around and looking really concerned. It ends with the sound of a heartbeat. Hoo boy.

1302 – I’m hitting play now. I just want it to be noted that I will apparently do anything for the Red Cross. Think of me fondly, farewell cruel world!

1303 – The movie starts with a black haired girl who apparently does not know who Adolf Hitler is. What in the fuck. Where did he find this person?

1303 – Ray Comfort is Jewish and deeply concerned about stock footage of Nazis.

1304 – This man has the most nasal, squeaky Australian accent I have ever heard in my life. He sounds as if he’s been huffing helium between takes. Not sure if this is going to make my job more difficult or more palatable.

1305 – Ray Comfort is concerned about people forgetting the Holocaust. He gives some background on Holocaust education in Germany and other countries in Europe.

1306 – Oh look, he’s managed to dig up more people who don’t know who Hitler is! Seriously? I wonder how many people he had to ambush on the street to find these. Because ffs, anyone who has ever been on the internet knows who the fuck Hitler is.

1307 – I know this is jumping ahead since I know what the video is about, but basically this is a 33-minute-long Godwin, right?

1307 – Steve the Neo-Nazi. He has a startling mohawk, which is blue. I don’t think Hitler would have gone for that, to be honest.

1307 – Apparently Christianity is a Jewish trick but Steve the Neo-Nazi is not fooled because he’s Greek. This is a quote. But make no mistake, Steve is an awful human being. An awful, awful human being. And I do think Ray Comfort deserves a small salute for pointing out that Steve and people like him are awful, and also completely incoherent hate spewing horrors.

1309 – Okay. Still asking people who Hitler is. Some of them know. Maybe he ran out of people didn’t know since he already found like the only twelve on the planet who have been living in a box their entire lives.

1310 – The piano riff starts back up as he talks to another awful human being who believes the world is run by Jews. I assume this is to point out to us that this is both Important and Very Bad. Unlike Steve the Horrible Mohawked Neo-Nazi, this guy’s face is blurred out. An awful person with a sense of shame, perhaps?

1311 – I’ll give Ray Comfort this. He’s figured out that just letting the awful people talk pretty much makes his point for him that they are awful. However, I’m still waiting for this to get around to abortion so I can start beating my head against my desk.

1313 – Okay, next question he’s asking people on the street – if you could kill Hitler before WWII, would you? Either by shooting him as an adult or killing his pregnant mom. It’s an interesting ethical question, one which I have a feeling will not be done justice in this film. For some strange reason.

1314 – More stock footage showing the dead of the Holocaust. Starting to feel like those awful PETA videos where it’s intercut with footage of slaughterhouses.

1315 – Well, at least he’s not claiming that Hitler was an Atheist. Ray Comfort touches very lightly on some of Hitler’s religious views (which are very complicated and weird and wikipedia can get you started) that he’s plainly cherry-picked and then calls him an idolater, which is… different.

1319 – More horrifying stock footage. I’ll note that some of it is actually photographs that have had a “old time film effect” run over it. There is also now a quote from a witness to the carnage read in a rather thick, nearly comical German accent, except the content isn’t comical so I feel kind of gross about it.

1320 – Back to people on the street and now Ray Comfort asks if the people would comply with Nazi orders to bury Jews alive and aid in the Holocaust. If I pretend I don’t know the point of the video, I can find it interesting, though I do have to wonder why he’s so stuck on Nazis if he wants to talk about abortion.

1323 – “You value human life? How do you feel about abortion?” OH AND THERE WE GO. Because burying adults and children alive or shooting them is totally the same as a woman having an abortion.

1324 – The music would like you to know this is very sad.

1325 – “Finish this sentence for me – it’s okay to kill a baby in the womb when…” Oh Ray Comfort, you are totally gross.

1325 – So apparently having an abortion is equivalent to blowing up a building that may or may not have people inside?  What?

1326 – Wow, a girl that had an abortion and says she doesn’t feel bad about it.

1327 – More equating burying Jewish people alive with abortion. Gross, Ray Comfort. Gross.

1327 – The safest place on Earth is in a mother’s womb? Maybe we should store jewelry in there!

1328 – So this is the thing Ray Comfort. You don’t get to decide for other people. Fuck off.

1329 – Oh boy and now he’s saying you can’t value human life and believe women have a right to choose. Well, we all know women aren’t actually human life, right? Argh I want to punch this man in the face so much.

1330 – Girl with sunglasses, you are awesome.

1330 – Wow Ray Comfort you are a gross human being. So very gross. Wow and then there’s shots of people being like oh okay I guess a woman choosing what will be done with her own body is the same as Hitler “choosing” to kill Jews.

1332 – Yes girl on the street, it sounds bad when he puts it in those words because it’s a disingenuous false dichotomy pushed on you by a gross person.

1333 – Well, I shouldn’t be surprised that suddenly everyone in Ray Comfort’s video gets argued around by his amazing logical fallacy skills.

1334 – Whee the American Holocaust! Gross, Ray Comfort. Gross.

1335 – Apparently we have low moral standards because we’ve freed ourselves from the Ten Commandments what?

1335 – No Ray Comfort, this is not an honest discussion you’re having to change people’s minds.

1336 – OH HEY GUYS I FOUND THE ATHEIST IN THE VIDEO! It’s… STEVE THE NEO-NAZI. Well, glad we got that out of the way.

1337 – “Have you ever looked at a guy with lust?” “Nah, I’m gay.” Wow, you are awesome, lesbian lady.

1338 – So apparently people don’t want to believe in God because we’re afraid of him because we lie and blaspheme and commit adultery by being lustful. Oh my goodness I just rolled my eyes so hard it hurt. Because people who don’t believe in Hell are totally afraid of it? LOGIC YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.

1341 – There is stuff written on my heart? I think I might need some medical attention.

1342 – Now we’re just into sheer proselytizing and I’m falling asleep. Can we just get back to the Nazis?

1343 – When is a raven like a writing desk? When Jesus is like a parachute.

1344 – Aaaaaaaaand we’re back to Nazis.

1344 – Talking about people visiting the concentration camps and being horrified. And then he suggests visiting an abortion clinic. Because they are so like in every way. (/sarcasm)

1345 – Ray Comfort would like everyone to see his documentary. And buy his book, Hitler, God, and the Bible. You know. Just putting that out there.

1346 – And we’re done with a dramatic string piece. Well, this wasn’t so much funny as infuriating, since I just wanted to reach through the screen and shake people. This is a bullshit argument that equates very different things in a false, emotionally manipulative, and disingenuous manner. A woman making a decision about what goes on within her own body is in no way equatable with a crazy, awful person taking power and ordering the death of millions of people who were born and living their lives. And frankly, I think his schtick is a pretty shameful appropriation of the suffering of the Jewish people.

HEY RAY COMFORT WANTS TO TALK ABOUT NAZIS!

Needless to say, 33 minutes later my world is un-rocked. I really could have lived without seeing a bunch of ignorant people get unmercifully Godwinned by a giant Australian weasel with a pouch full of fallacies.

I think I’ll do a different liveblog maybe today or next week to cleanse my palate. Maybe Metal Tornado will get a whirl after all.

Categories
colorado

I Snoopy danced through the election in Colorado

Two days late, whatever. So yeah, this happened. 

As you can imagine, I’m pretty pumped about that, because the president of the United States hasn’t switched over to being an plastic manbot with a faulty truth chip. I’m pumped there are going to be record number of women in the senate. I’m pumped we have our first openly lesbian Senator in the US.  I’m pumped Elizabeth Warren took down Scott Brown. I’m thrilled beyond words that every single one of the crazy Republican rape guys lost.
But that’s not the point of this post. It was an awesome election in Colorado!
First off, in slightly less awesome news, we sent 4 Republicans and 3 Democrats to the federal House. I’m incredibly happy Jared Polis (who once entered The Internet is For Porn into the congressional record) is returning to Washington, even if I’m sad he’s no longer my rep due to redistricting. I have Ed Perlmutter instead, who is less mind-blowingly awesome, but is also not Joe Coors thank goodness. Mostly I’m sad that Brandon Shaffer and Joe Miklosi lost (ugh to Mike Coffman) but there’s not anything I could have done in those races but crossed my fingers extra hard.
So yeah, you might have heard we legalized recreational pot. Thought I’d put that out there first because apparently everyone I have ever met is planning on couch surfing at my house sometime before I move to Houston. And we legalized it by a 10 point margin, which is not too shabby. What does it actually mean? No idea, since pot is still illegal federally. I’m looking forward to seeing the conservatives that like to talk about states rights when it comes to screwing over women and LGBT people potentially tie themselves in knots over this one. 
But I’m excited about the idea that between Colorado and Washington, maybe we’re sending a message to the feds that we’ve had just about enough of the bullshit “drug war.” Here’s hoping. I think we have a much better chance of a positive outcome with Obama as president than Romney.
Ah, and for the record? I voted to legalize pot. Duh. I’ve also never touched the stuff in my life. My vices have been limited to alcohol, and damn little of that. And I have no interest in ever trying pot, either. But I think responsible adults should be able to do it legally if they want, and that our police and courts and prisons have better things to spend their time and money on than a bunch of potheads whose worst crime is bogarting the Fritos.
We also signed off on a collective ‘screw you’ to Citizens United. Well, this one is a bit weirder. By 48% we amended the Colorado Constitution to direct our federal office holders to push for a Constitutional amendment to get rid of that shit-ass campaign finance decision. Which I have mixed feelings about… because I don’t like just amending the Colorado state constitution willy-nilly, but man do I hate Citizens United like a champ. Plus this is actually non-binding… but I think it’s something the representatives and senators from Colorado would have to think twice about before ignoring, since… 48% margin. 
We’ll see if it actually does anything. I’m not convinced. But I hope Colorado has made its point about how we feel.
Jefferson County, where I lived, approved both of its school budget issues. I’m happy about that. The schools need more money, and it’ll help the kids out. And even if I dont have kids of my own, these guys will be in charge of the country when I start thinking about retiring, so I would really prefer they’re functional human beings with a reasonable eduction. 
The Democrats have retaken the Colorado state house and kept the senate. I’m excited about this personally because I no longer have Robert Ramirez (whom I have never liked) as my state rep – I have Tracy Kraft-Tharp, and by a comfortable margin. And I got to keep Evie Hudak as my state senator, and I just adore her to bits. But the really exciting thing about this? We almost had civil unions in Colorado this year, and representative McNulty, with the complicity of the Republican majority, kept the bill from going to vote. Well, McNulty is still around, but he no longer has a majority. So he can sit down, shut up, and get out of the way of progress.
Let’s do it, Colorado. Civil unions, then let’s fix our state constitution, and let’s get back to leading.
Categories
politics Uncategorized

Not a generic get out the vote post

There’s something that I’ve said for a long, long time. Pretty much since I made the discovery that you could argue with people on the internet: If you have to lie to win an argument, you know in your heart that you’ve already lost, and that you think victory is more important than having a moral compass.

This is not meant to be a compliment, by the way.
Let me tell you a little story. Once upon a time, not very long ago, I was a Republican. I voted for George W. Bush both times. And I’m only actually ashamed of the second time, when it became apparent just how much we’d all been lied to a matter of weeks after I cast that vote. 
So I don’t think Republicans are, in general, evil. I don’t think they’re trying to destroy the country. I think a lot of them (the social conservatives) need to examine their own prejudices and mind their own goddamn business, but that’s a matter for a different post.
I am, however, starting to have my doubts about the party as a whole. Because if you have to lie to win an argument…
Which could just as easily be: if you have to stop people from voting in order to win an election…1
If you think that voting shouldn’t be easy.
If you tout a voter ID law that makes it harder to vote because it’ll deliver the state for your candidate.
If you “don’t want everybody to vote.” 
If you don’t want to accommodate a “voter turn-out machine” because it’s “urban – read African-American.”
If you think the answer in democracy is less democracy for the people you disagree with instead of more for everyone. 
You have already lost. You have lost any claim to morality you ever had. And you have lost your right to say that you love democracy and wish to defend it. 
You have already lost something far more important than an election. You have lost your soul. 
Stop. Just. Stop.

1 – Large scale in-person voter fraud is a paranoid fantasy. Get the fuck over it and honestly examine who you are really trying to stop.

Categories
liveblog

Final Presidential Debate Liveblog

So, going in to this, I have one thought: if President Obama can’t manage to win a debate on foreign policy against Mitt Romney, he doesn’t deserve to remain president. Frankly, Mitt Romney has been incoherent in every foreign policy statement I’ve ever heard him make – which basically boils down to “Uh I have no idea let’s bomb shit in the Middle East. And Benghazi! Yeah!”

I’m planning to drink every time Benghazi and Iran get mentioned. Chugging when Obama mentions we killed Osama bin Laden. I shall also chug if Mitt Romney has the solid iron balls necessary to try to lie about the President calling Benghazi an act of terror again. Because I’m really just wondering how much of Fox News alternate reality we’ll hear.

Anyway. T-minus ten minutes until we start. I’ll update about every 10 minutes or so and become no doubt less coherent as the night goes on.

1902: The questions all belong to Bob Schieffer! All of them! And he’s not sharing!

1903: …and then my mom just paused the debate so we are in a holding pattern. CURSE YOU DVR.

1914: And okay, we’re back.

1915: How come Romney gets two glasses of water? I’m sure there’s a rich white guy joke in there.

1917: Benghazi to start with, huh? And Romney gets to start. Will there be more lying? Do I even need to ask?

1918: And… Iran. And Osama bin Laden. Good idea by Romney to mention it first, nice strategy. But I’m having a hard time figuring out what the fuck Romney is even saying What is the point of this? You need a comprehensive strategy? What strategy?

1919: Nice poke by Obama about Iraq not having anything to do with 9/11.

1921: Yes, tell us about your strategy. So it’s more than killing bad guys? It’s simple but it’s broad?

1922: More economic development? How, when you’re all about major sanctions?

1922: And I’m sorry, but every time Romney claims women’s liberation is important in the Middle East, I laugh in a horrible bitter way.

1923: And what bothers me here is he’s saying x, y, and z need to happen but not how the hell the US would be involved in doing this.

1923: Nicely done Obama… “Glad that you finally recognize Al Qaeda is a thread instead of Russia.” And pointing out Romney’s foreign policy positions are basically from the 80s if not earlier. Oh man. This is brutal.

1925: Wow. I feel almost bad for Romney except he’s an awful human being. But damn.

1925: “Attacking me is not talking about how we’re going to respond to things in the middle east” – UH AND YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT THAT?  Holy shit this man is lying at the speed of light. Why. Why is Russia an issue?

1927: This is the sound of fact checkers collectively screaming in agony.

1928: Syria. Oh gosh.

1929: These are some tough questions. Good.

1929: I think Obama makes a good point that charging in without having clear objectives in Syria is a bad idea.

1930: Syria isn’t Iran’s only ally. And it’s not the one stop shop to stopping Iran. And wait… now Romney says he basically wants to do the same thing as Obama? What? When did this happen? We need to work with our allies and see the long game… that’s exactly what Obama just said.

1933: And now we’re back to Lybia… why?

1934: Oh, bringing it as an example for how Syria will be handled.

1934: Hahaha and Bob Schieffer asks Romney if he’d actually do anything different from the administration. And… apparently not? Except Romney specifically wants a puppet government. Ugh because that always works great.

1935: Consensus here – the only different is Romney says we need to find opportunity, Obama says we have and are working on it.

1936: Obama says Romney isn’t coming up with different ideas because we’re already doing this. It’s the leadership we’ve already shown. Fail, Romney. Fail.

1937: Funny, when Obama says that it’s necessary for women to be given full rights, I actually believe him.

1937: We should probably also drink every time someone says Israel.

1937: But kudos to Obama for pointing out that people in Egypt (and everywhere really) want the same kind of things, like a good life, good schools for their kids, etc.

1938: Obama calls Afghanistan and Iraq an experiment in nation building and says we’ve failed at home. Nicely done.

1939: And then Romney agrees with him again about Mubarak, basically. But he’s getting to talk about how awesome he would have been in hindsight and gotten ahead of things.

1939: Our mission is to make sure the world is peaceful… is that really the mission the US should have ultimately?

1941: I think Romney missed guns versus butter day in economics.

1941: What’s America’s role in the world is the question.

1941: The privilege of defending freedom? Ugh. And he talks about free elections, but let’s remember how much everyone has bitched up and down when apparently free elections put people in power that America doesn’t like.

1942: It’s guns OR butter, Mitt. Guns OR butter.

1943: Ended the war in Iraq! Drink!

1944: I feel like both of these answers are long, incoherent strings of bullshit. I must need to drink more.

1945: CLEAN COAL SCREEEEEAM

1946: “I’ve got a plan for the future.” Right Romney. And your 12 million jobs. Your 12 million mysterious jobs.

1946: …can we get back to foreign policy? Bleeeeeeh

1949: Bob: Let’s get back to foreign policy.
Us: /applause
Romney: Let me talk about education.
Us: /groan
BOB GET OUT THE CATTLE PROD AND SHUT THESE ASSHOLES UP.

1952: Romney, where are you going to get the money to spend that much on the military? Really?

1952: Wow, not even Obama can keep a straight face. And then he brings up the tax cuts. And math. And spending even more on the military.

1953: Obama says military spending has gone up every year as if this is a good thing.

1955: Mitt Romney, running the country isn’t the same as a business. For fuck’s sake.

1955: Did Romney really bring up the sequester? You know, that thing his running mate voted for?

1956: WE WANT TO BE ABLE TO FIGHT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD!!!!! Ugh.

1956: “I think governor Romney has not spent enough time seeing how our military actually works… we have less of some things but we also have less horses and bayonets. We have these things called aircraft carriers…” OH SHIT SON.

1957: Uh oh, Israel…

1959: Military action as the last resort.

2000: Man, they are both just dancing around this question at speed.

2001: And once again Romney is basically saying yes what the President is doing but uh… I would have done it first.

2002: One, I will make a list. Two, I will read you that list.

2003: Give Iran a chance to re-enter the community of nations. Wow. That’s different. “I’m glad Governor Romney agrees with the steps we’re taking.” HAHAHAHA “You’d do the same things we did but you’d say them louder.” Wow, Obama.

2005: Romney claims that Iran thinks the administration is weak… oh my god, are we going back to the preconditions shit from the debate with McCain. Stupid machismo bullshit.

2007: “Nothing that Governor Romney just said is true.” And he just called it a whopper. Wow. That’s… wow where was this Obama in the first debate?

2008: Wow, he brought up the Chinese oil company thing.

2009: Yes, tell us why it’s an apology tour for daring to not be a giant asshole to everyone else.

2010: “Mr. President, America has not dictated to other nations.” OH NO YOU DIDN’T.

2010: Obama: “Let’s talk about overseas trips.” Oh my god. And slams Romney on fundraising there. Man they are getting NASTY.

2011: DAMN ROMNEY YOU JUST GOT SERVED.

2012: Does he have anything to say other than Iran being four years closer to a bomb?

2013: …wait a second, did Romney just say North Korea is exporting their nuclear technology HAHAHAHAHAHA OH SHIT Y’ALL I FIGURED IT OUT HE GOT HIS FOREIGN POLICY REPORT FROM THE NEW RED DAWN.

2013: “I’m please you are no endorsing our policy of applying diplomatic pressure.” Wow. Glad he’s pointing out Romney has had every mission known to man.

2015: This is the all bin Laden section. I may not survive this level of drinking.

2017: I am waiting for the portion of the debate where Obama says, “Quit hitting yourself. Why do you keep hitting yourself?”

2017: Oh wow, a 2014 deadline. That’s a unique and interesting idea, Mitt.

2018: And then a friend shows me this HAHAHA

2020: Obama talks about our partners and our allies a lot. Romney really doesn’t. This is really offputting I think to be honest… I’m really sick of America acting like we’re the only fucking country in the world.

2022: You know, one thing I have to give Mitt is that, unlike previous Republican candidates, he can pronounce the world nuclear correctly.

2024: I’ve noticed that Mitt Romney has had some good responses. But all of his reasonable ones have basically been “What Obama does but LOUDER.”

2024: Drones. Ugh, drones. I HATE BOTH OF YOU. Killing bad guys my ass jesus fuck this is not a movie.

2026: Wow, someone works fast. 

2027: The US homeland really Obama? Gross.

2027: Oh my god we are going to talk about something other than the middle east.

2027: China is a potential partner if it follows the rules. He’s setting himself up as a good contrast to Mitt’s incoming machismo bullshit about tough talking a nation that doesn’t give a fuck about our opinions.

2028: So I noticed the more I drink the more I cuss.

2028: Mitt Romney would like us to know that the greatest threat that the world faces is a nuclear Iran. Because I guess when they get one bomb they will drill a hole to the center of the planet and then blow up the earth’s core with the bomb and we’ll have to call in James Bond and goddamnit he is not American.

2033: China doesn’t want the world to be free and open… have you seen their internet? What? Mitt? I don’t get it.

2034: Mitt do you really want to go here about companies shutting down? Isn’t this what you do?

2034: Day one is such a busy day. They are not a currency manipulator. Mike has become incoherent with annoyance.

2035: Wow what happened to his macho shit about China?

2036: And then Obama hits him about companies shutting down and going overseas whoops.

2037: Every time I look at Mitt’s face when the President talks, I feel like I’m watching a Prilosec commercial.

2038: …wait he wants to talk about the auto industry QUIT HITTING YOURSELF WHY DO YOU KEEP HITTING YOURSELF

2039: “Under no circumstances would I do anything but to help this industry get back on its feet.” Jesus fucking Christ.

2040: “I’m still talking” WOW DUDE YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE.

2041: Wow Romney do you actually believe your own lies holy fuck I think he does. History is a flexible thing in that man’s brain.

2044: Did Romney just claim to love teachers?

2045: Wow we’re already on closing statements? DRINK! DRINK! DRINK FOR YOUR LIFE.

Post debate:
Chris Matthews: the President was very good on Osama bin Laden.
Me: the only way he could be bad on that was if he said “I killed Osama bin Laden” and then punched a nun in the face.

Romney punched himself in the face for an hour and a half. Obama wins. My liver hates me. The end.

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Because the world needs more Joe Biden gifs. You’re welcome.

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