from: christian bile
to: katsuhiro at gmail.com
date: Thu, May 8, 2014 at 4:13 AM
subject:hey i’d like to know if u r an illuminaati member?
Good question! Actually, I’m an Illuminaaati member. They’re easy to get confused, but one is sort of an off-brand Illuminati that’s generally manufactured in sweatshops by children who are held under terrible conditions and paid almost nothing, and the other is a shadowy, terrifying global organization whose agents sneak into your house in the dead of night and make certain your car tires contain the appropriate amount of air pressure. They also have a highly disturbing yet intensely helpful habit of being already waiting at the proper intersection with a tow truck before before your car has broken down. Almost as if they know it will happen. As if they engineered it perhaps.
(I imagined that question being read in an extra gravelly voice, as if Batman has had food poisoning and been dry heaving for a while. No idea why.)