50 Shades of Nuh-uh. 4

All right, I’m flinging up my hands on this. I’ve poked at the 50 Shades Darker fundraiser repeatedly, and I think I’m basically shouting into the overwhelming roar of THE WORLD BEING ON FUCKING FIRE, so I don’t feel that bad, really. Also, the few responses I’ve gotten at all to trying to fundraise off the oncoming Valentine’s shitshow were, “No honey, I can’t do that to you.”

I love you too, guys, though I did volunteer for this gig. But I can’t say I’m sad that I’m not going to have to have yet more pop ballads ruined for me forever. (Seriously. Every time one of the songs that got used in 50 Shades of Gray comes on, I attempt to rip my radio out of my car to make it stop because I still remember that fucking awful movie.) I’m also imagining all of the disposable donation money is currently being flung at worthy causes like the ACLU and Standing Rock and the NAACP and CAIR because, again, THE WORLD IS ON FUCKING FIRE, so I can’t begrudge anyone that. We all have limited resources.

I guess my question is to you, people who enjoy listening to me rant about fucking awful movies I watched while drunk, is this moment over? Should I find a different way to humiliate myself in public to get people to fling money at charity? (And wait to do it until the world is no longer ON FUCKING FIRE?) Should I attempt this shindig one more time when the next Transformers movie comes out, because at least it will be less sexually disgusting okay well maybe, I mean we are talking about the franchise in which dudes metaphorically pissing on each other’s legs over the virginity of an underage girl was a major plot point?

What say you?

4 thoughts on “50 Shades of Nuh-uh.

  1. Reply Paul Weimer Feb 7,2017 19:50

    I know what you mean, Alex. I feel like I am going to get like 3 donations/votes total, for DUFF, because the world IS on Fire and its burning all the darned oxygen for everything else.

  2. Reply Chris Gerrib Feb 7,2017 20:21

    I think the “Alex makes fun of Movie X” works, but not for a sequel.

  3. Reply Kathryn O Feb 8,2017 17:46

    I enjoy your charity reviews, but right now, I honestly forgot it was happening in my all-consuming panic. I think that if you tried again later when things calm down, you’d have more luck.

  4. Reply janiece65 Feb 9,2017 15:47

    I agree with Kathryn. Our current charity budget is split between the ACLU, BLM, PP, and AFSP. But I would love to support you in your endeavor to drive Cory Gardner out of office like the whiny little shit-weasel he is.

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