Want to make me watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? 10

You know, the new one, produced by my favorite ever, Michael Bay. Because there is still a part of my childhood that has not been violated. In which all of the turtles look like Shrek.

(Why should you want me to watch horrible movies? Well, for one, money goes to charity. For two, you’re sadistic bastards that like making me suffer. And for three, I then write things like this.)

I wasn’t actually even thinking about this one, just because of scheduling fuckery. Bay’s TMNT comes out on August 8. I am literally flying to the UK on the evening of August 7, and will not be back until August 19. The earliest I could conceivably see the movie would be that evening, whilst terribly jetlagged. Not that I’m saying that’s a bad thing, more just pointing out that the movie will not be quite so fresh by that point. Or I could wait a couple days until after my foot surgery on August 21, at which point I won’t be able to drink, but I will be on vicodin. So yeah.

Anyway I’ve now had four different people ask me if I’m going to watch this one and review it, despite the aforementioned scheduling issues. And I don’t mind the requests, I really don’t, since I like helping worthy causes get money. It’s more I only just did T4 and I’m going to be late on this one, so I feel kind of bad asking people to open their wallets again so soon.


So here’s the deal.

If you all donate at least $300 across the following charities, I will go see TMNT by August 24 and blog about it. Possibly while having a bad trip that involves Shrek and pizza and oh god why. And you guys get a discount because I will be seeing the movie so late.

If you donate $450, you get the scans of the handwritten notes, as per Transformers 4.


As always, honor system. If you donate, contact me via social media, e-mail me, or leave a comment here to be counted. (You’ll get an acknowledgment from me if I see you.)

PROGRESS: $300/$300

Get it to $450 and you get handwritten notes!


  • Jess: $100
  • Chris Berry: $50
  • Thomas Pluck: $20
  • Laura Simpson: $50
  • Keeley: $80

10 thoughts on “Want to make me watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

  1. Reply Ingvar Mattsson Jul 24,2014 11:40

    If you are lucky (unlucky?) you may be able to see it on a plane, so you are a super-captive audience!

  2. Reply JohnD Jul 24,2014 13:08

    I almost donated but all four of the charities that you selected require an email address in order to process the donation. I refuse to give one as it is information that they don’t need. They want it (so that they can send you emails begging for yet more money) but they don’t need it, so I categorically refuse to give money to any organization that requires an email address as a matter of principle.

    Or perhaps that was your plan all along…

    • Reply Rachael Jul 24,2014 13:12

      They also use the email address to send you a receipt for tax purposes. :P I actually have a not quite fake e-mail address I use for stuff like that, which is literally spamfillsmewithhate at somethingdotcom. XD

  3. Reply Cerulean Spork Jul 24,2014 21:08

    have heard optimists pointing out that michael bay isnt directing TMNT just producing it , but since producers can be either super hands-on or hands-off backers / agents , that doesnt reassure me much . . . .

  4. Reply Thomas Pluck Aug 20,2014 09:33

    Donated $20 to Doctors Without Borders. Suffer for our entertainment!

  5. Reply Laura Simpson Aug 21,2014 16:01

    $50 donated to doctors without borders. I’m so looking forward to your review. (Insert evil laugh here)

  6. Reply Keeley Aug 23,2014 15:51

    Okay, in the spirit of giving (and poking my best friend) I’ll be donating 80$ to the Michael Brown Memorial Fund on Monday. ^^

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