Categories
rants

United would like to know how I enjoyed my flights to State College

Well, United, let me tell you.

My amazing, superfun and exciting travel experience started out with a most enjoyable wait in IAH at the gate where our party plane was supposed to meet my group. Only there was no plane! It was off playing hide and seek with the other airplanes. Those scamps! While the airplanes finished their hijinks and goings-on (I hear the control tower might have gotten TPed by some naughty 737) we sat in the overcrowded space awash in the BO of our fellow travelers, and wondered how in the living hell we were going to make our connection to State College.

Here, let me save you the suspense because someone reading this might have a heart condition: we didn’t. In fact, our airplane to State College took off in almost the same exact moment that our flight from IAH was landing. What a coincidence!

But come on, frowny-facers, what could be more fun than a night of bouncing around in scenic, beautiful Dulles Airport? Nothing, I’m sure! And United so kindly gave us vouchers to the cheapest available hotel, as well as enough meal vouchers for like four whole extra value meals from McDonald’s. Apiece!

Even better, the nice man at the gate volunteered to help us get our luggage back from the bowels of Dulles, so we could have toothbrushes and deodorant and therefore our stink hopefully would not fill the airplane we were being put on the next day with toxic gases. We could pick up our bags in a couple of hours and then there would be clean underwear for everyone!

Just kidding!

Our clean underwear got to take a magical evening journey to State College on the next flight without us, even though there was no room on the plane for us. Maybe we should have just pretended to be luggage, right? Silly us.

Then the next morning, we got up bright and early and scrubbed the yuck off our tongues with toothbrushes thoughtfully provided by the hotel. (I guess the hotel didn’t want to get their clerk’s face melted off with morning breath.) We fought a gladitorial battle with super slo-mo explosions to get through security and then were at the gate in time to have airport breakfast! What could be better?

A flight that left on time, right?

No, so sad. Our flight was delayed by an hour. Then another hour. And another. (In fact, every time my coworker Joe got up and checked the monitor, the flight got delayed by another hour – you playful people at the gate, we’re on to you! – so Joe got stapled to his chair soon after we noticed that pattern.)

A cheerful man in a safety vest entertained us by standing outside the gate window and pulling the cover off the engine to our plane, then banged on the mechanical guts within using a dizzying array of tools. Thankfully, we were informed during hour three of the delay that United had found another plane for us, and we could all finally go to State College! Yay!

By found, I’m assuming that they meant literally found by the curb, as if it was an abandoned couch. You know, that perfectly good couch why is someone throwing it away get the pickup couch. In fact, just like that couch, it had broken seats (where people still had tickets that stated they had to sit there) and smelled a little weird. It felt like being an undergrad again! Such a invigorating experience.

Oh, and I could tell you such fun stories about the scavenger hunt for our luggage in the tiny airport at State College. Gosh, it was just the perfect way to end eighteen hours of travel hell.

In closing, I would like to meet your CEO in person so I can tell him what a superfun and exciting experience this was. By which I mean I’d love to meet Jeff Smisek and give him such a firm handshake that he won’t be able to escape when I proceed to knee him right in the sack. Twice. That merger with Continental sure has upped the company’s game, I can tell.

This is, by the way, why I’d rather jam finishing nails into my sinuses and then snort powdered lemons than fly United when I’m allowed to buy my own tickets.

Categories
movie review

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

I’ve owned the soundtrack for this movie since it came out, actually, and I never bothered to watch the movie itself. I actually liked the first Transformers movie all right, in that sort of well it’s got explosions and giant robots and it makes okay background noise kind of way. Revenge of the Fallen left me in an underwhelmed place of slow-motion explosions that I didn’t manage to return to again until I had the misfortune of watching Ghost Rider 2.

Though as an aside, I’d still rather watch Nic Cage chew the scenery any day than Shia LeBouf whine.

The thing is, I actually really like the soundtracks for these movies. They make excellent writing music even if the movies themselves make me hope for a nuclear winter. What I’d like to know is how did movies this incoherent manage to have such nice music?

It’s a zen riddle.

I decided to watch Dark of the Moon tonight, just because why not, I had some braincells to kill.

Well. It sure was a thing.

I wish I could write a mocking examination of the reality-bending badness of this movie, the way io9 did back when it came out. But I’ve been working 10+ hour days all week and spending most of my time having my neurons slowly drilled into submission by Microsoft Powerpoint. I just don’t have it in me.

I am as incoherent as Dark of the Moon.

The movie can’t decide if it’s a romantic comedy, a stupid buddy comedy, an action movie, or something else entirely and I don’t even care. I don’t know who Leonard Nimoy owed money to, but I can’t fathom why he got within a thousand miles of this pulsating mass of disagreeing plotlines. Shia LeBouf seems to be a three-year old trapped in a man’s body, vacillating between soulful eyes and quivering lower lip and incoherent tantrums of petulant rage. And how the hell could something make me miss Megan Fox? How is such a thing possible unless we truly do exist in a godless universe of pain?

I never thought a movie could make me long for the smooth and logical plotline of Ghost Rider 2, but Dark of the Moon managed it. It would be a better movie, and more coherent, if you just cut together all the scenes of the Transformers fighting and just enjoyed the pure, explosion-laden eye candy. It would also be shorter, which I consider a good thing, considering every scene involving the human characters is approximately seventeen years long.

The good news is, I will still be able to listen to the glorious soundtrack without having it ruined for me, because nothing in this movie made any kind of impact beyond a vague existential discomfort caused every time Shia LeBouf screamed like an eight-year-old girl.

Next time, self, remember that curiosity caused the cat to watch really terrible movies.

Categories
cycling fitness for fat nerds

Fitness for Fat Nerds: To Clip or Not to Clip?

One of the first things you’ll discover about bicycles is that apparently the vocabulary was designed by someone with a sadistic sense of humor who was convinced that life would be better if newbs had no idea what anyone was talking about. Take the saddle bag, for example. I bet you immediately envision those bags you sometimes see hanging off the sides of bikes, over the rear wheel. You know, like saddlebags on a horse.

Wrong. Those are panniers. The saddlebag is the little teeny bag that hangs under the bike seat. Which is called the saddle, incidentally.

The whole clips issue is the same kind of thing. You’ve probably seen those cute little shoes cyclists wear? You know, the ones that clip onto the pedals?

Not clips. Nope. Those are actually the shoes for clipless pedals (and the shoes are cleats.)

That’s because these are clips:

And then the third type of pedal you’re normally going to see are flat or platform pedals. Those are the kind you grew up with on your bike, just a flat thing for you to put your foot on and push. 
So, why do you care about clips and clipless pedals?
If you’re just riding bikes casually, you probably don’t. Flat pedals will get you from point A to B just fine if you’re not trying to go a significant distance. Most road bikes will come with clips already on them. If you tighten them up appropriately, they’ll keep your feet properly positioned on the pedals and let you get a little more push on them. 
Clips aren’t the easiest things to extract your feet from, to be honest, not if you have them tightened down pretty well. (Particularly depending on the type of shoes you’re wearing. Shoes with smooth uppers are much easier to pull out of clips.) They can also be kind of a pain in the butt to get your feet in to. The added oomph to your pedaling is definitely a benefit, though.
Clipless pedals have the same advantages as clips, but more so. You can really pull up as well as push down, which gives you a big jump in efficiency and helps you get up to speed faster. Of course, your feet are then attached to the pedals – but in all honest, I’ve found it easier to get my cleats out of the clipless pedals than extract my shoes from clips at times. 
If you’re going to switch, do it all the way. There are pedals you can get that have a platform on one side. The problem with those is when you’re first starting out, getting the cleats to clip in can be rough, and it’s even harder if you’ve only got the clip-in on one side of the pedal. Just do it. All the way, and don’t go back.
The downside to clipless pedals (and clips) is that your feet are effectively glued to the pedals. Probably at least once, you’re not going to get one of your feet pulled out in time and you’ll fall over. The most dangerous time for these kind of pedals is actually when you’re stopped, and it does happen if you’re not paying good enough attention.
I’ve fallen over twice, both times in a parking lot. I’ve seen it happen to other people on group rides. It’s not a big deal, and the thing that gets hurt the worst is your pride. You’ve just got to learn to get a foot free before you stop. Preferably, just free one foot; keep your other in so you can start pedaling without having to get clipped back in. As with all things, practice makes perfect.
Is it worth switching? If you’re going to be riding your bike a lot, and you’re doing it specifically for distance and speed, yes. A thousand times yes. Clipless pedals will change your life. 
Categories
writing

Read me in Specutopia issue one!

The first ever issue of Specutopia is now online! Please go check it out and pick up a copy. I’ve got a story in there of course – Entangled. Unfortunately, it’s not one of the stories that will be available as a free read online, but I assure you the magazine is well worth the cost. And not just because I’m in it! I got a copy as part of my author payment and I really enjoyed reading the other stories.

I wrote Entangled about two years ago for the short story competition for Aussiecon. The story was much shorter and less complete then, but still made it to semifinals, of which I’m very proud.

It’s taken a bit of traveling, but I’m really glad this story finally has a home, and a good (shiny and new!) one at that.

Also in writing news, I just finished the rough draft of my third short story for the Clarion Write-a-thon.   This one is a hot mess of a story right now since I didn’t have a clear plan starting out, but I think I’ll be able to edit it into something I can be proud of once the write-a-thon is over.  If you want a peek at the excerpt (and the awful title) you can see it at the blog for my team.

This puts me at halfway to my writing goal, and right on time, too! I’m also just two sponsors short of my ten sponsor goal, so please consider throwing a little bit of money in the ring! Remember, you have the chance of winning naming rights to a character in one of my awesome steam punk short stories that will later be published by Musa.

Categories
music

Of Monsters and Men

Amazon had a sale a few days ago where a bunch of popular albums were on sale for $0.99. The main reason I went was to get a backup copy of Ceremonials by Florence+The Machine, because that’s an album well worth owning two copies of. But I think I ended up buying half of what was on offer, because who can say no to new music for a buck?

The two best new things I picked up were The Lumineers by the Lumineers, which tickles the same part of my brain that likes Mumford & Sons. (Who I am hopefully going to see at the end of August squee!)

But even better was Of Monsters and Men, a band from Iceland. Their first album is called My Head Is An Animal, which is the second line from the first song, Dirty Paws.

I love this song in ways I can’t even begin to describe.

It’s a strange little song if you really listen to the lyrics, but the first few times I just let it wash through my head and ran along with the guitar like I really was in the words. In the comments of the youtube video I posted, someone states that the band members said in an interview the lyrics originated in a game where they went around the circle and made up the song one line at a time. I don’t know if that’s true, but I can believe it, the way the song is constructed.

Either way, I love Dirty Paws because it feels like a dream, or a fairy tale. And:
The forest that once was green
Was colored black by those killing machines


Beautiful.

I like every song on the album, but my other favorite is Little Talks, which also has one of the trippiest music videos I’ve seen in a while. But it adds that sort of fairy tale feel to the song that I love so:

And the lyrics are absolutely beautiful, a conversation between the living and the dead.

Lakehouse and Mountain Sound are also excellent. Well, the entire album is excellent, I think, but I generally tend to like songs with a more driven beat to begin with. I really hope I get a chance to see these guys in concert at some point.

Categories
movie review

Not So Amazing

To reward myself for surviving the never-ending defensive driving course from somewhere not nearly cool enough to be hell, I went to a movie. The only thing I felt motivated to see was The Amazing Spiderman.

My reaction was: …meh.

Yes, I know my nerd card deserves to be taken away. Try it, buddy. I know kung fu.

Part of the problem here is that I just wasn’t all that excited about it to begin with. Not because I have a problem with Spiderman as a character, but let’s be honest. The last of the Tobey Maguire Spider man movies was only five years ago. And maybe you’ve managed to forget the horror that was emo Peter Parker and the inexplicable dance scene, but it’s still pretty well seared into my brain. While I can normally get my juices going for a reboot (Batman Begins anyone?) I need a little more than five years.

Spiderman, how can we miss you if you never go away?

Honestly, I’m concerned that the cycle is ever-shortening between movie release and the following remake of the movie. We may be approaching some sort of remake critical gravitational collapse point, where the remake and movie it’s remaking are released simultaneously, signalling we’ve crossed a ghastly event horizon where Hollywood has just shrunk into a singularity clothed in nothing but special effects. Spaghettification and increasing popcorn prices will inevitably follow.

My enthusiasm level was admittedly pretty low going in. But I was prepared to be entertained, and I certainly was. Don’t get me wrong; I didn’t emerge from this movie bearing Prometheus-levels of steaming nerdrage. Rather, I left the theater with the only thought on my mind as, “Man, I could murder the shit out of a taco salad right about now.”

So that’s really to say, the movie didn’t make much of an impact on me.

It’s got good things going for it. Andrew Garfield is definitely a superior Spiderman compared to Tobey Maguire. The dialog for Spiderman was generally superior as well – finally, all the snark and sarcasm that the comics promised us for years! (Plus, the stunts were definitely better, and hey – electronic web shooters!)

I can’t say I’m impressed with Gwen Stacy as a character over Mary Jane Watson, not that this is necessarily Emma Stone’s fault. (And she had some good on-screen chemistry with Andrew Garfield so I bought their relationship no problem.) There are other problems I have with Gwen Stacy, but it’s all said much better here than I could, other to note that yeah, she did seem a little too perfect. Mary Jane definitely has a much richer internal life going in the first movie than poor Gwen Stacy did in this one.

I think part of the “meh” problem was have the Lizard as the villain. He wasn’t all that exciting, and Rhys Ifans tried his darndest, but he’s no Willem Dafoe. With an unexciting villain, the plot of the week “oh no the city is doomed” wasn’t anything to really write home about.

So it was a fun way to spend an evening, and I don’t regret what I paid for the ticket. But I’m not excited for a sequel the way I was with the original Spiderman, even if Tobey Maguire wasn’t really the ideal Peter Parker.

It’s not you, Amazing Spiderman, it’s me. You should have given me more time to get over the other guy first so I could have come at you with fresh eyes and renewed enthusiasm. Too late.

Categories
books review

Among Others

I don’t think I would have read Among Others (Jo Walton) if it weren’t for its Hugo nomination. That would have been a serious shame, since it’s a beautiful and interesting book. I definitely think that it deserves the nomination.

SPOILERS FOLLOW


Sort of like Brave, I think Among Others isn’t really best served by the way it’s advertised on the back blurb. The back is all about the conflict between Mori and her mother, and makes it sound as if there’s going to be some sort of epic battle that we’re building toward. Which I guess could be interesting and all, but is really not as beautiful as what the book actually does.

Yes, there is a final confrontation with Mori’s mom at the end. It takes up less than a page. I felt it was almost anticlimactic, after what the back cover implies.

No, rather it’s a book about grief, and loss, and moving on, and growing up, and being your own person in the face of a culture that doesn’t understand you. It’s about finding people who like you for yourself instead of trying to force yourself to be another person for the sake of others. It’s about knowing when to say no to what others want and do the brave, scary thing of deciding that it’s your life and you have to live it. It’s about so many big, fantastic things. I suppose it would have been hard to cram that on the back cover, but still.

The main character, Mori, is vivid and interesting. The book is written to be her diary, so it’s very conversational and frank. Not only that, but frank about things that normal fifteen-year-olds things about (like sex) without apology or obfuscation. I found that very refreshing. Fifteen wasn’t that long ago for me, and a lot of what she says still speaks to awkward, teenaged me that hides in the back of my head.

Most charming was that Mori is, herself, an enormous scifi and fantasy literature geek. She talks a lot about what is now considered somewhat classic scifi/fantasy, since the book is set in 1979 and 1980. I found it fun to read someone’s delight as the books were coming out. Since I wasn’t even born until 1980, I can’t say if it’s 100% accurate on what was out and when, but I’m going to assume it’s pretty accurate. I strangely enjoyed Mori talking about Dragonflight and Dragonquest and eagerly awaiting The White Dragon. By the time I got to those books, they were all out and I could consume them in one long stretch. (Other than All the Weyrs of Pern, which is one I eagerly awaited myself.)

So there’s a lot of scifi/fantasy bringing Mori closer to others when she finds people with similar interests. It’s something I identified with a lot, and also not something that often gets touched on.

It’s a quick, easy, and companionable read. So far, I think I’ll have a hard time choosing between it and Deadline, though I still need to read Leviathan Wakes.

Categories
tom hiddleston writing

Donation made!

As I said before, I wrote Comes the Huntsman as a gift, and as such didn’t feel quite comfortable keeping the payment for it. I e-mailed Mr. Hiddleston’s publicist and asked if there was a charity I ought to send it to. He told me that Mr. Hiddleston supports UNICEF, which helps children all across the world.

So:

=

I had a horrible day today. This makes it just a bit better.

Categories
cycling people don't suck

A Bad Part of Town

As usual, I went for a bike ride after work, since it finally stopped raining. 13 miles out – the farthest I go before turning around – the front tire of my bike went flat. I walked over to the nearest gas station and proceeded to have an adventure.

I’ve fixed a flat tire precisely once, and that was with my Dad’s help. He made it look easy. I got two dollars worth of quarters from the guy behind the counter in the gas station (for the air pump, since my hand pump had fallen off my bike a couple days before and I couldn’t go back and get it) and then sat out front to try to get the tire apart.

It wasn’t as easy as Dad made it look. I struggled with the thing. A young guy walked up a few minutes in to this epic battle. He asked me what was up (flat tire) and said I picked a bad part of town to get a flat in. Then he took the tire away from me and said he could do it. I’d already skinned one of my knuckles pretty bad, and he seemed to find that pretty upsetting. (Way more upsetting than I did for sure.)

He managed to get the tire bead out of the track, and we got the innertube out. But then the next problem – the air pump didn’t work. That was the point where the nice young man started getting nervous. He asked if I had any friends that could come and get me, and made me hide my camelbak behind my bike.

He was also much more nervous than I was. I guess this makes me foolish. He was from around there, and he told me, this is the bad part of town. This is dangerous. You need to go home.

I called my coworker while he watched nervously and she said she’d come pick me up. I let him know, but he just stayed there, talking, looking more nervous. I could tell he wanted to get out of there; I told him it was okay, Ashley would be by soon, he didn’t have to worry.

Then he told me he was homeless and asked if I had a buck to spare, so he could get something to eat. I gave him $5 (the biggest thing I had on me) because he’d been really sweet. He seemed surprised that I gave him anything at all, and I told him to take care, and not to worry.

It took Ashley a long time to get there.

I stood around in front of the gas station, right by the door. As gas stations went, it was admittedly a bit to the scruffy side; everything was dirty, the nice guy behind the counter was basically in a plexiglass aquarium. It’s likely my own stupidity, but I didn’t feel scared. I spent a lot of time in Commerce City when I was an EMT, and there were some places there that scared the shit out of me. This didn’t even register, for all the nice homeless guy had seemed so nervous.

What did happen:
Four different people asked me if I needed a ride, if I needed to borrow a phone, if I was okay.
A lady with a shopping cart from the Fiesta came by and I offered to watch her cart while she bought cigarettes. She gave me a really pretty smile.
I watched a group of young men (one with a blue plastic comb sticking out of his hair) hug each other and joke.
I traded the guy in the fishbowl his quarters back, which he appreciated since he was almost out.
People said hi, and smiled when I said hi back.
A mosquito bit me on the knee.

Then Ashley and her boyfriend showed up and gave me a lift back to my apartment. I managed to get my innertube patched and put a tire liner in since I figured I might as well, since the tire was out. I had some ravioli with pesto and a beer.

I’d like to think wherever I end up, there’ll be a nice guy (or gal) who’ll see how I’m screwing up my repair job and give me a hand. I’d like to think that when you smile at people and say hi, they smile back. I don’t like the notion that I should be scared of other people as a default position.

So far I’ve been lucky enough to hold on to that.

Categories
books review

Book: Twilight of the Elites

This book is both interesting, and depressing.

Interesting, of course, in the way just about anything Chris Hayes decides to talk about is worth reading. What actually motivated me to give the book a read is that Chris Hayes has been a frequent guest on the Rachel Maddow show, and he’s always interesting there. I know he’s also got his own MSNBC show now, though I’ve never seen it since he doesn’t do a podcast of it and I’m too lazy to invest a lot of time in watching clips on the website. But that meant when he had a book coming out, I decided to grab it and see what he had to say.

Actually, what I picked up was the audiobook, which is unabridged and read by Chris Hayes himself. I have no regrets about this.

The man thrust of the book is that meritocracy, which is lionized as an idea in America, just doesn’t work. The concept sounds nice – who doesn’t like the idea of people who have more ability rising to the top and being in charge – but in practice rapidly devolves into an oligarchy. Most of the book is devoted to developing the argument and providing examples.

One major point is that we are obsessed with equality of opportunity, and assume that if there is equality of opportunity – bootstraps for everyone! – then equality of outcome will follow. But since there’s no even minimal equality of outcome (eg: people are destitute) then equality of opportunity is quickly lost.

This is definitely a point I can buy. After hearing about and seeing what happens to kids in low income schools, I feel comfortable that whoever claims we have equality of opportunity today are kidding themselves.

Another point Hayes makes very well is the problem of social distance. As opportunities and outcomes become more unequal, the social distance between those making the decisions and those affected most by them increases to the point of complete divorce. The douchebags that crashed the economy for the most part didn’t get their lives ruined the way poor schmoes who have been on unemployment for endless months have. Most everyone in congress is a millionaire, while the people they supposedly represent are not. Very few veterans are in congress these days – and we haven’t had a veteran as a president for quite some time – but they’re the ones that decide to send people who have no real connection to their lives to war.

Which, as an aside, is a point Rachel Maddow goes over in her book Drift, which I also recommend. (I have the audiobook of that one too, and it’s really good, read by Rachel.)

What makes the book depressing – you know, aside from the unending litany of American social failure – is Hayes’ proposed solution. He thinks it lies in the upper middle class, who have been radicalized. Maybe I’m just not hanging out with the right people, but I’m really not seeing it. By and large, middle class, let alone upper middle class, American still seem to be under the mistaken impression that the wealth gap isn’t as awful as it really is. How many people freaked the hell out about letting the Bush tax cuts expire for the wealthiest because they had the utterly crazy impression it would somehow affect them? Also, considering that part of Hayes’ solution seems to be convincing the elite that they really need to let other people drive the boat on occasion… yeah, I don’t think I can be that optimistic about that.

But trust me, I’d love to be proved wrong.