Category: fitness for fat nerds

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cycling fitness for fat nerds

Fitness for Fat Nerds: Group Fun

Generally, I’m all in favor of fitness activities that you can do solo. This is largely personal preference, but I’ve also seen serious motivation problems come out of being too dependent upon other people. It normally goes like this: you and a buddy get a gym membership/make a fitness pact and motivate each other. Eventually one of you loses motivation, which means then it’s on the other person to constantly provide the get up and go. Which burns them out. And then you’re just sitting on the couch, sharing a tub of hummus and saying man, you should really get back to working out.

Be your own motivation. Don’t let friends drag you out of the habit.

That said, exercising with other people is normally way more fun than doing it alone. I did (and will hopefully do again in a few months) kung fu for eight years, and talk about group energy. Being around other people who are enthusiastic about whatever you’re doing helps make you more enthusiastic, and makes it easier to push through when you’re tired.

I’m an incredibly competitive person by nature. Having other people around makes me push myself in ways I never thought possible, because I don’t want to get left behind. I want to be in the front of the pack, damnit! (When you’re not the lead dog, after all, the view never changes.)

Which brings us to group rides for cycling. This is a thing I’ve gotten in to since coming to Houston for the summer. It’s got the same energy and enthusiasm bonus as being in a big class for kung fu or something else like step. I love it and can’t recommend it enough.

The bonus, of course, for group cycling rides is they’re also much safer than riding solo if you’re on the roads. Once you get a critical mass of cyclists (6-10, I’d say) you can easily take over an entire lane on the road and cars are no longer brave enough to fuck with you because you have the numbers.

So how do you find group rides? Start with your local bicycle shop. A lot of group rides use those as gathering points, and are even sponsored by them or run by the team that calls that shop its home. In Houston, I regularly participate in the Bikesport and Planetary Cycles rides, and have done the Bike Barn ride.Houston also has a cycling group on meetup.com, and I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of other big cities do as well.

Joining a group ride:
You’ll notice the ones I linked to are free (as far as I know, most for fun group rides should be!) and run basically as a show up on time and ride affairs. It’s all fairly simple. There are a couple of things you should know about, though.

1) Drop versus no drop. Unless a ride specifically states that it is “no drop” assume that it’s a drop ride. On a no drop ride, it’s the group policy to not leave people behind. This can happen by accident on occasion, but normally the people in charge of the ride will keep at least one person at the back of the group to make sure stragglers don’t get left alone or lost. No drop rides will also pull over and wait to let people catch up if the group gets cut in half by a giant hill or a stop light. There is nothing wrong with drop rides, per se, but if you’re just starting out (and don’t know the area you’re riding in well) than a no drop ride is much friendlier and less intimidating. 

2) How fast do you go? You’ll notice most rides have a minimum speed requirement. This can seem kind of tough, but it’s really to help keep the group together and minimize frustration. (You get frustrated if you’re left behind a lot, they get frustrated if someone is really slowing the group down.) This is one of the places where having a computer for your bike is useful, since that will give you a good feel for your speed. However, you can also just do a route of known length and estimate your speed off of that. 

What does the speed number actually mean? It tends to vary, from what I’ve seen. One of the rides I do asks for an average speed of 15 mph at minimum. Keep in mind that your average speed includes all the less than stellar times you’re accelerating or decelerating for stop lights, for example. So an average of 15mph means that you’re actually spending most of your time going significantly faster (probably around 18-20 mph) and will be comfortable sustaining that pace.

Another of the rides I go on is big enough that it’s divided into four groups: A, B+, B, and C. Each of those groups has a speed associated with it, and that speed is whatever you can comfortably maintain. So the C group is 15-18 mph sustained speed, which means a much lower (probably 13-ish mph) average. I learned this by starting off with the C group the first time I did the ride because I thought they wanted 15mph average, and I ended the ride bouncing up to the B+ group because I wasn’t having to work hard enough. (The B+ was just a little too fast for me, though!)

So how do you know? The best thing you can do in a situation like that is ask other people in the ride and find out what the speed requirement means. If in doubt, start with the slowest group, hang with them, and bump up to a faster group if you’re not working up enough of a sweat. 

3) Ride safe. Check what the ride requirements say to start with. Some evening rides will be out when it’s dark, so you must have a flashing tail light and a headlamp. Honestly, those things are a good idea to have anyway, even if you only ride during the day. Always wear your helmet. Bring a spare tube and some CO2 canisters in case you get a flat.

Most big rides will have a quick safety talk for new riders before they get going, so make sure you get there a little early for that the first few times you go. Here are a few things I’ve learned, however: 

Communicate with other riders so they know if you’re passing them. If the group is coming to a light or a stop, people will often yell “stopping” or “slowing” to warn the back of the group. Pass that back. Signal turns so everyone knows where they’re going. You’ll also see other hand signals get used, to warn people about potholes and the like. These things, you eventually learn by observation, but you have to start by paying attention. Listen. If you’re like me and can’t live without musical accompaniment, only wear one earbud, and keep it in your right ear so you can hear the other riders and the street noise. (If you’re in a left drive company, keep your right ear free instead.)

4) The after party. Sometimes after a ride, everyone goes out for beer and pizza. This is the best part.

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cycling fitness for fat nerds

Fitness for Fat Nerds: To Clip or Not to Clip?

One of the first things you’ll discover about bicycles is that apparently the vocabulary was designed by someone with a sadistic sense of humor who was convinced that life would be better if newbs had no idea what anyone was talking about. Take the saddle bag, for example. I bet you immediately envision those bags you sometimes see hanging off the sides of bikes, over the rear wheel. You know, like saddlebags on a horse.

Wrong. Those are panniers. The saddlebag is the little teeny bag that hangs under the bike seat. Which is called the saddle, incidentally.

The whole clips issue is the same kind of thing. You’ve probably seen those cute little shoes cyclists wear? You know, the ones that clip onto the pedals?

Not clips. Nope. Those are actually the shoes for clipless pedals (and the shoes are cleats.)

That’s because these are clips:

And then the third type of pedal you’re normally going to see are flat or platform pedals. Those are the kind you grew up with on your bike, just a flat thing for you to put your foot on and push. 
So, why do you care about clips and clipless pedals?
If you’re just riding bikes casually, you probably don’t. Flat pedals will get you from point A to B just fine if you’re not trying to go a significant distance. Most road bikes will come with clips already on them. If you tighten them up appropriately, they’ll keep your feet properly positioned on the pedals and let you get a little more push on them. 
Clips aren’t the easiest things to extract your feet from, to be honest, not if you have them tightened down pretty well. (Particularly depending on the type of shoes you’re wearing. Shoes with smooth uppers are much easier to pull out of clips.) They can also be kind of a pain in the butt to get your feet in to. The added oomph to your pedaling is definitely a benefit, though.
Clipless pedals have the same advantages as clips, but more so. You can really pull up as well as push down, which gives you a big jump in efficiency and helps you get up to speed faster. Of course, your feet are then attached to the pedals – but in all honest, I’ve found it easier to get my cleats out of the clipless pedals than extract my shoes from clips at times. 
If you’re going to switch, do it all the way. There are pedals you can get that have a platform on one side. The problem with those is when you’re first starting out, getting the cleats to clip in can be rough, and it’s even harder if you’ve only got the clip-in on one side of the pedal. Just do it. All the way, and don’t go back.
The downside to clipless pedals (and clips) is that your feet are effectively glued to the pedals. Probably at least once, you’re not going to get one of your feet pulled out in time and you’ll fall over. The most dangerous time for these kind of pedals is actually when you’re stopped, and it does happen if you’re not paying good enough attention.
I’ve fallen over twice, both times in a parking lot. I’ve seen it happen to other people on group rides. It’s not a big deal, and the thing that gets hurt the worst is your pride. You’ve just got to learn to get a foot free before you stop. Preferably, just free one foot; keep your other in so you can start pedaling without having to get clipped back in. As with all things, practice makes perfect.
Is it worth switching? If you’re going to be riding your bike a lot, and you’re doing it specifically for distance and speed, yes. A thousand times yes. Clipless pedals will change your life. 
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cycling fitness for fat nerds

Fitness for Fat Nerds: Just Like Riding a Bike

After all of my talk about running, I actually haven’t been doing much of it in the last month. This is partially because I’m in Houston for the summer – you know, Houston. A city renowned for its cool and balmy summer weather. – and running outside at nearly any time when the sun is up is like asking for death. Sweaty, bug-covered death. I’ve also been having problems with some plantar fasciitis in my left heel, a thing that doesn’t take kindly to even walking, let alone running.

Instead, I’ve been riding my bike. A lot.

Biking is something I’ve only started doing recently. This year, in fact, because I didn’t actually own a decent bicycle until I bought one back in March. But to be honest, I’m having a much better time with it than I do with running. I normally ride 20-30 miles at a stretch and I’m a much stronger biker (I’m already able to maintain 15.5+mph average speeds) than I’ve ever been a runner. Plus hey, it doesn’t make my left foot hate me, so that’s certainly a bonus.

The biggest problem with biking is that it can be very expensive. Running, you can do as long as you have a decent pair of shoes and a desire to sweat a lot. If you’re going to cycle, at the very minimum you need:
Bicycle
Helmet (if you don’t get one of these I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN)
Puncture repair kit & extra tubes
Floor pump (trust me, way better than a hand pump)

And if you’re going to start doing more than 15 miles at a stretch, trust me. You want to spring for the shorts with the padded butt. You might feel silly wearing them, but your ass will thank me in the long run.

Of course, the most expensive thing out of that list would be the bicycle. Often, you can try to find one used. But if you want a bike for more than just trundling back and forth to the grocery store, you’re going to need to spring for one that actually fits you. The frame size is very important, and the frame size you need varies with things like your height, the length of your inseam, the lengths of your arms, etc. You can try to figure it out with a frame size calculator, but you’re really better off going to your local bike shop and test riding bicycles until you figure out what’s the right size. And keep in mind, frames change from brand to brand. So a 52cm Trek is not going to be the same as a 52cm Litespeed, and so on. Once you know what size bike frame you need, you can always then see if you can find one cheaper online or used.

It also matters if you want to mountain bike (which I can’t really say anything about) or do road biking or just have something to take to the grocery store instead of your car. You don’t need to get something top of the line when you’re first starting out – in fact you shouldn’t – but it’s well worth it to get a decent frame. But keep in mind that even a “cheap” road bike new costs over $600.

If you’re interested in biking – and I think it’s hella fun, obviously – don’t run out and spend a ton of money right off the bat unless you’re sure you know what you’re getting in to. Before I finally bit the bullet and got a big girl road bike, I owned an Electra cruiser for years and just rode it back and forth to the store. Particularly if you’re new to bikes or haven’t had one since you were a kid, that kind of bike isn’t a bad reintroduction and gives you a chance to decide if you even like bicycles any more.

What pushed me to finally let go of the cruiser and get a road bike was the fact that I’d be living without a car for the summer, so I needed something a little better for distance and commuting. It was kind of a scary prospect, since the posture you end up in on a road bike is much more aggressive (you end up leaning over the handle bars and have to learn to not put all your weight on your hands) and takes getting used to. But when I went over to the bike store and started trying bicycles out, it was ludicrous how much faster the road bike was.

When you’re trying to push a bike up a hill with the power of your thighs, light weight and tiny, ridiculously pressurized tires are your friend. That’s actually what pushed me into getting a road bike instead of the less aggressive hybrid (a cross between road and mountain bike). Trying the Trek out first just sort of ruined me for anything heavier.

I’d really like to encourage people to try out biking, even if you don’t want to spend 6+ hours a week with your ass glued to a seat. If you use a bike for short trips instead of a car, you save emissions and money, since you don’t use gas. A lot of cities in America are starting to have bike share programs, where for a small “rental” fee you can get a cruiser-style bike and use it to run errands within a city and turn the bike in at any convenient return point. I recommend giving it a try, and if you decide you like it enough to make it your main form of exercise, awesome! If not, even if you just do little side trips and errands, you’re still getting in some good exercise and helping the environment.

This is something I’ve learned in the endless quest to stay moving – anything you can do that gets somewhere under your own power is a very good thing. That means walking, that means taking the stairs, and that means riding a bike if it’s safe to do so. You can get in a lot of good exercise without having to make a special deal out of it in your day, and you can pat yourself on the ass for being environmentally friendly while you do it.

If you have any questions about beginner biking, let me know. I’m still working to figure this crazy gig out, but I’m having a heck of a lot of fun.

Denver bicycle sharing program
Houston bike sharing program
National site for the B-cycle bike sharing program
NYC bike share

…and you get the idea. If you’re in a large metropolitan area, google your city + bike share or bike sharing program and chances are you might have one already.

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fitness for fat nerds

Fitness for Fat Nerds: Close Encounters With Nature

Since I started exercising regularly, I’ve learned a thing or two about our six-legged insect overlords. First, there’s way, way more of them than there are of us, and we should be thankful every day that they’re still susceptible to the business end of a wadded-up tissue. Second, insects really, when you come down to it, want to be inside us.

This is both more and less disgusting than it sounds. Less, because at least if you live in my part of the world you don’t have to worry about horror movie-esque things like blowflies. More, because it means you spend a lot of time blowing insect parts out of your nose. That’s how they want to get in, you see. You’ll be trotting along on a trail, nodding along happily to some Katy Perry song (because hey, you’re listening on ear buds it’s not like anyone else can hear you and judge) and then out of nowhere something composed of seventeen wings and approximately a thousand legs will fly up your nose. As you are inhaling. And you’ll feel it catapult directly into your sinuses.

If this followed the format of my normal blog posts, now would be the time that I’d give you a bunch of great tips on how to avoid this horrifying eventuality. Sorry, kids. It’s going to happen. Make your peace with it.

Sure, you could avoid close encounters with nature like this by, for example, never leaving the house. If you can manage to do all your exercising inside and still find it interesting, more power to you. That’s not something I’ve ever managed. There aren’t enough books and bad TV shows in the world to make me enjoy running on a treadmill. But if you exercise outside, it’ll happen eventually. Probably sooner rather than later. There are a lot of bugs out there. A lot of them. They’re all like tiny, six-legged old school samurai who have been raised with a romantic philosophy of death, and each and every one of them wants to commit suicide using you.

The first time I ever ran on a track, a small moth darted out of the field and flew up my nose. That was an awesome way to finish my last quarter mile, let me tell you. The first time I ever did the 19 mile trail ride down to Denver on my bike, I inhaled something around mile eight, and it was disturbingly (yet, I’ll admit, fascinatingly) intact when I blew it out of my nose eleven miles later. I had to spend a long moment staring at a puddle of my own snot and wondering if my sinuses have some kind of TARDIS-like quality, where they were actually bigger than my entire head in order to fit a bug that size.

If you’re going to be out for a long time in a place where you’re worried about ticks (or mosquitos), bug spray isn’t a bad idea. (It also helps to wear long sleeves/long pants even if it’s kind of hot; that’s how I hike, since it prevents sunburn as well.) But DEET doesn’t seem to stop the suicidal little bastards that just want to fly up your nose. Maybe the desire for the sweet release of death overpowers the chemical stench.

All you can really do is carry a bit of kleenex with you, if you even have a pocket to put it in. Or make peace with blowing your nose using leaves if the sinus tickle is blinding you. Or use your sleeve. That’s what sleeves are for, people. You’re just going to sweat through them anyway and presumably chuck your shirt in the laundry basket as soon as you get home.

Honestly, I’d much prefer to eat my bugs than inhale them. There’s a lot less snot that way. Hey, meat on the hoof, right? Because that’s also going to happen, especially if you ride a bike. You’re going to eat bugs. Go with it, and swallow quickly, because going 20mph down a narrow trail you’re sharing with pedestrians is not a good time to get distracted by little things like some extra protein in your diet.

And let’s be honest. If you’ve ever eaten a Cheeto, you’ve put something far more disgusting than a gnat in your body. 

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fitness for fat nerds

Fitness for Fat Nerds: Running Quick Start Guide (2)

We’re going to get ever so slightly more advanced here, so if you haven’t read part 1 take a look now.

Sorry it took me so long to get back to this, my fellow fat nerds. I’m now settled in Houston for the summer (yay, internship) but it’s playing hell with my ability to run because good god have you seen what they call air here? It’s like a gelatinous solid dropped straight from the Devil’s microwave. I’m more likely to concentrate on biking and weightlifting this summer (once I’m cleared by my physical therapist, that is, argh!) so is there any interest in reading about those, too? Let me know.

Anyway, let’s dive in.

So you’re starting to run. You’re shuffling and doing intervals and maybe pushing yourself up to 20-30 minutes as a stretch, but it’s rough. What other tricks might a fat nerd have to make getting up to speed less torturous?

Well, to start with…

It’s not a race.
Really. We get this horrible thing in our brains because of PE in school, I think, where we believe that if it ain’t fast, it ain’t running. And there are quite possibly going to be jocks lapping us at any moment, ready to yank our pants down and laugh mockingly as they go flying by.

Let it go. Just let it go. This isn’t a race. Slow down.

If you’re running in an area where there are a lot of other people, it’s okay if they pass you. Don’t feel bad. Unless they’re assholes, they’re just cruising on and minding their own business and giving no shits about how fast you’re running. Do them and yourself a favor and give no shits about their speed either.

You need to learn the difference between pushing yourself an pushing yourself too hard. If you push yourself too hard for speed, you’re more likely to end up with an injury, which is a very frustrating thing that’ll stop you from running for a while. Sometimes you’re going to want to challenge yourself with your pacing, which is awesome, but don’t kill yourself. And you know what? Sometimes it’s awesome to just cruise along, take your time, and feel good.

You’ll be able to relax and have a lot more fun if you’re not worrying about your speed. Once you’re over the initial weeks of soreness that tend to haunt the first few weeks of new exercise, running should leave you feeling good, not exhausted and full of existential and muscular anguish. Find yourself a comfortable pace and stick with it.

Which brings us to the next point:

Keep it light and quick.
Pacing-wise, this has really worked well for me. First off, you want to keep your steps light. It’s a lot easier on your joints, trust me, and you have no reason to be pounding the ground if you’re not being chased by a ravening zombie horde. Until you’ve got a good handle on how a light impact feels, it helps to leave off the ear buds for a while and just listen to your own footsteps. Concentrate on making as little noise as possible while still trotting along. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out, and that’s okay.

The other thing that helps is that you make your steps quick. Which means by necessity taking smaller steps. There’s an excellent description of this technique at No Meat Athlete (thanks Chelsea for turning me on to that) and I encourage you to give it a read. This also helps you run more lightly.

Now, over at NMA they’ve got you shooting for 180 steps per minute. I don’t think I’ve ever done anything that fast in my life. I feel good and relaxed at around 160 (I use Carmalldansen (speedy cake remix) as my pacing song, of all silly things) but I’ll work my way up eventually.

Because while you want to shoot for a fast pace, this is another thing where it’s not a race. Work up to it. You’re not going to jump off your couch and immediately hit the ground running at 180 beats per minute. (Or if you do, let it be know that I hate you. A lot.)

Once I get my pace set, I tend to run independently of whatever music I’ve got going. However, if you want a little pacing help, check out Podrunner. There’s a really nice selection of mixes at different bpm.

Don’t look down.
Another army guy trick: keep your chin up. You know what the ground at your feet looks like – you saw it a few seconds ago when it was farther away. You don’t need to look at it again, it hasn’t changed in that short amount of time.

This is a thing that will help you with breathing. If you look down, you tend to hunch, plus your airway’s kinked and you can’t suck wind as effectively. So just keep looking ahead and trust in your feet. You do it all the time when you’re walking.

This also, I note, helps keep you from running into tree branches.

Not that I’d know anything about that.

The only exception I’d make to this rule is if you’ve hit an extremely rough patch on a trail, or if you’re negotiating the sloppy remnants of snow in the late winter, things like that. If the terrain is actually dangerous, pay it as much attention as is necessary. You should only have to look down for a few seconds. If you need to stare at the ground any longer than that, you might want to reconsider the location you’ve chosen.

While you’re at it, don’t hunch your shoulders. Really, just relax. 
This is a thing that happens to me sometimes when I’m really tired. I tend to hunch my shoulders and try to pull myself along with my arms, since my legs obviously aren’t doing their job. If you feel your shoulders creeping up toward your ears, if you’re not standing up straight, fix the posture issue. That’ll help you breathe too.

I always had a problem not being sure what to do with my arms when running, since everything feels fairly weird at first. The key really seems to be that you want to (a) be relaxed but (b) not so relaxed you’re flailing. Don’t clench your hands, keep your elbows bent comfortably, keep your shoulders relaxed and swing comfortably from there.

Which has proved problematic for me recently, since I’ve had such issues with my right shoulder. Thankfully, those seem to have been resolved by the surgery and everything appears okay now that I’m allowed to run again. But when you can’t move one of your arms properly, you start to realize just how much your arms are involved in the entire process…

But anyway. Don’t tense up. Every bit of energy you use to be tense is energy you’re wasting on fighting yourself instead of running. Relax. And if you’re tensing up because you’re that tired or in pain then STOP. You have my permission.

Cheat Codes
Still none. Sorry.

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fitness for fat nerds

Fitness for Fat Nerds: What Not to Wear

Exercise can be rough enough without feeling uncomfortable while you’re doing it. Particularly when you’re getting started, there are enough distractions from the actual exercise without adding uncomfortable clothes into the mix.

So that’s rule number one: Be comfortable.

You’re not going to do your best if you’re wearing tiny shorts that have dedicated themselves to giving you a wedgie, if you’re dying from heat, if your pants are trying to fall down or trying to squeeze the life out of you. Don’t wear jeans for running. Just don’t. Ladies, get a real sports bra. You’ll thank me.

Corollary to rule number one: Don’t worry about how you look.

The secret is that no one looks good when they’re exercising. Or if they do, I’d hazard a guess that they’re not working as hard as they could be. You’re going to get sweaty and gross. If you’re like me and have the approximate complexion of a ghost, your face is going to glow so bright red you might as well be a tomato. And you know what? That’s fine. You’re not exercising because you’re trying to impress your next hot date. (At least you sure shouldn’t be.) You’re exercising because it’s a thing you do for fun and health, because it makes you feel damn good. You’re doing this for yourself, not to show off for anyone else.

So stop worrying about how you look. Don’t pick your clothes based on sexiness, since no one looks sexy after sweating for half an hour straight. (Also, if you’re someone that wears makeup, I would really recommend you leave that off  when you’re working out, since that just makes it harder to sweat.) Don’t worry about pit stains or soaking your collar down. That’s what effort looks like, baby.

Rule number two: There can be a definite difference between mental and physical comfort, and you need to pick which one is most important.

This is particularly true during the late spring and summer, when it’s going to be hot. Of course, one way to beat the heat is to expose a lot more skin. That’ll see to your physical comfort. However, if you’re in the same fat nerd boat as me, you’re not exactly mentally comfortable with having a lot of your body exposed to the ravages of the Day Star. So you’re going to have to pick – would you rather be cool, or keep yourself better covered?

It’s a personal choice. I tend to split the difference and wear sleeveless things during the summer, since that lets my arms radiate a lot of heat away. But even in the most ridiculous weather, I still wear long pants because I’m simply not comfortable exposing that much skin. And that’s okay. I’ve decided that I’d rather be a little hotter than necessary so that I’m not fighting the constant distraction of my own mental discomfort about wearing shorts. You just have to find out the comfortable balance for you.

Rule number three: Dress for how you’re going to feel for the bulk of your run/ride/etc.


This is something you’re going to have to learn with experience, but how you feel about the temperature outside as you’re starting is nothing like how you’ll feel about it after about five to ten minutes of exercise. This normally ends up meaning that you don’t need to dress nearly as warmly as you think you do, or be prepared to strip layers as you go. But this is something experience will teach you, since it’s a little different for each person.

Rule number four: Cheap is good


You don’t have to buy expensive clothes for working out. In fact, please don’t. This is stuff you’re going to sweat, snot, and possibly bleed on. Unless you really get into it (eg: you bike 30 miles a day and want a nice jersey and a pair of good bike shorts) there’s no reason to get fancier than an old t-shirt most of the time. You may need to invest a little bit of money to begin with so you have something to run in other than jeans (trust me, it’s worth shelling out $10 for a pair of el cheapo athletic pants in that case) but don’t go overboard. A lot of the time, the fancy stuff is completely unnecessary, or at the most you may want it if you’re doing your exercise for hours a day, every day. It’s just not worth the investment if you’re exercising casually.

With those rules in mind, I thought I’d show you a couple examples of what I normally wear for exercising, in case that’s helpful.

Winter



Of this entire outfit, the only piece I bought specifically for running is the zip-up sweatshirt, which I got from a thrift store for $4. I recommend zip-ups for running because you can take them off on the go very easily and then just tie them around your waist. Other than that, it’s an old t-shirt, kung fu pants, and a hat. I don’t normally wear gloves even in the winter unless it’s really windy, because my hands act as my main radiators. Even if I start out cold, about five minutes in I’d be stripping my gloves off so I can get rid of some heat. At that point it’s just easier to tuck my hands in my sleeves for the first five minutes.

Summer

Sleeveless shirt that I got on sale for $10. Running pants that I also got on sale for $10. Looks good to me. I also wear the kung fu pants a lot during the summer, but these are nice. You can’t see in the picture, but they’re basically two layers of light fabric with lots of tiny holes in them for air flow. It works surprisingly well. But I acquired both of these fine items at a fancy store you might be familiar with – Target.

I’ve found Target and Wal-mart a lot more useful for having athletic clothing plus-size women can wear than normal sports equipment stores, actually.

Socks



This is one of the few places where I break my own rule about not buying clothes specifically for exercise, or buying the cheapest possible clothes. I love my running socks in ways that are probably illegal in several states. If I try to wear normal socks with my running shoes, I end up in sock-bunching-up Hell, which is not conducive to getting into the zone. I also tend to get socks with a little extra arch support, since that’s something I personally require. Your mileage may vary.

Bandana

Except for the middle of winter, I always, always wear a bandana. This is because I sweat ridiculous amounts, and it also functions to keep my hair out of my face. They’re cheap and I can’t recommend them enough.

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fitness for fat nerds

Fitness for Fat Nerds: Running Quick Start Guide (1)

I’ve done a lot of talking about getting ready to start running, but you know, at some point you have to transition from the state of thinking about something to actually doing it. Procrastinators know this moment well. It can also seem a little daunting, because if your time in high school was anything like mine, running has all sorts of horrific associations with it.

But at some point, you’ve just got to do it.

However, I can tell you confidently that after years of avoiding that whole fitness thing, you’re not going to be able to just tie your shoes on one day and burst out of your front door to knock off a couple quick miles before breakfast. And if you can, let the record state that I hate you for it.

It’s rough to get started on something you’ve dedicated years of your life to avoiding. But it’s worth giving it a shot, because you might decide (like I did) that you love the shit out of running. Throwing yourself into a wall repeatedly isn’t going to help you discover that love, though. You have to start out slow and work your way up as you build your body, and that’s okay.

So how do you get started? Here’s the tricks that worked for me.

You have to walk before you can run
You’re not going to be able to run a distance that you can’t even walk, or run for a length of time for which you can’t sustain a good walking pace. So that’s the place to start. Walk. Walk a lot. Walk everywhere. And don’t just meander – walk like you have a purpose. Walk quickly enough that it does make you breathe a little bit harder, and keep pushing yourself over the weeks until you can walk fast enough that the next logical step really does seem like running.

I know that walking is not exactly the most electrifying exercise in the world. But if you don’t partake in regular physical activity (even as much as walking to the bus stop every day) it’s probably the best place to start, a ramp-up to more difficult exercise. It’s also nicer to the environment than driving everywhere. Get an MP3 player and get yourself some podcasts; I time a lot of things where I don’t need music for pacing (like bike rides) with podcasts, and it also makes the activity more interesting.

Once you’re good with walking, it’s time to kick it up to the next level.

Warm Up
Just as a note, before you even try out these tricks, you need to warm up first. Stretch, walk a bit (I normally do a quarter mile or a little less) and then do a quick stretch again if any of your muscles are feeling tight. You really don’t want to just bomb out of your front door and hit the ground running. Trust me. Also, cool down at the end, just do the same thing in reverse. Your muscles will send you a nice fruit basket once they get over hating you for exercising at all.

Intervals
This is a piece of advice I got from a friend of mine who was in the Army. (Actually, oddly enough, all the good running advice I’ve ever gotten has been from Army people.) I’m personally not a fan of intervals because I prefer to run on trails, but I know they work really, really well for some people.

It’s simple. You start out on a sidewalk where there are light poles, telephone poles, whatever you can find at regular, fairly closely spaced intervals for a good stretch. Say you’re on a stretch of sidewalk with ten light poles. Run from pole 1 to 2, then slow to a walk from 2 to 3, then run again from 3 to 4. You get the pattern. Once you can do that without dying, start making the running intervals longer. Run from 1 to 3, then walk from 3 to 4, then run from 4 to 6. You get the idea. After a while, you’ll be able to get rid of the walking intervals entirely.

Shuffle
This is actually the method that I used to learn to run, taught to me by the Army recruiters. They called it the Airborne Shuffle. Since it’s difficult to try to describe wholly as text, have a terrible video that I have prepared as an illustration:

The basic idea is that you run, and you push yourself to keep running until you feel like you can’t keep going any more, at which point you drop down to what is effectively running in place. You’ll be barely inching forward, but you should still be shuffling your feet at close to the pace you were using to run. Shuffle until you’ve caught your breath, then start running again.

What I particularly like about the shuffle is that it prevents your muscles from cramping, which is something walking has never done for me. Particularly when you’re starting out, your muscles are going to be angry with you, and they will cramp out of sheer bloody-minded vengeance if you just give them half a chance. Shuffling keeps your muscles moving but lets you catch your breath.

And trust me, when you’re first starting out, you want every scrap of breath you can get your lungs on.

Breathe
When you’re starting out, I think your body tends to go into full-scale holy shit what are you doing to me red alert. You’ll get muscle cramps (hint: don’t stop moving unless it’s a 10 second pause to stretch it out) and you’ll want to start panting for breath.

Don’t do it. It’s a trap. You’ve probably noticed that if you start panting, that can lead pretty easily to wheezing, and then you’re crouched on the side of the trail with your head between your knees and a helpful old lady asking if you need an ambulance while her pekapoo sniffs at your shoes in the meditative way dogs have of showing they’re thinking it’s a good time for urine.

You want to avoid this.

The best way to do this is count paces while you breathe. For example, breathe in for three, breathe out for three. If you hit a point where you feel like you need to breathe faster than that, slow down and catch your breath. You can mirror this effect by trying to talk while you run, but this tends to creep people out if you’re clearly by yourself.

Another Army guy trick I learned is that you should breathe in through your mouth, but out through your nose. This makes your exhalation slower and keeps your from sucking wind too hard, so to speak. (Though if you do this, I recommend you carry some kleenex along.) Again, if you’re doing this and you hit a point where you feel like you’re not getting enough air, slow down.

Cheat codes
There are no cheat codes.

Don’t get frustrated
You’re going to be slow when you start. You’re going to have to stop and walk or shuffle so that you can catch your breath. It’s okay. It will get better, I promise. The first few weeks are the toughest, but you will see improvement, and you will start feeling good. Don’t get frustrated. It’s a work in progress, it’s a challenge, but you can do it.

Promise.

Hi, I’m Rachael. I’m a fat nerd. I also run, bike, and have done kung fu for eight years. I’m not writing this because I want to be some kind of fitness guru. Hell no, that would be ridiculous. I’m writing this because I’ve got a lot of friends that struggle with the [metaphorical] Fitness Demon and I’m hoping my experience might make things a little easier for them. I’m also writing this because it’s a lot of stuff I wish someone had told me, back when I was making attempt after unsuccessful attempt to get into this exercise thing. If it helps you out, great.

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fitness for fat nerds

Fitness for Fat Nerds: GOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAL

I learned pretty early on in the exercise process that having goals is one of those necessary things, like drinking plenty of water and eating peanut butter straight from the jar. (Just kidding about the last one (mostly).) Anything you can possibly do to help yourself get motivated and stay there is important. For me, having specific goals works really well because I have a competitive personality, and that keys in to it. I don’t have to be competing with someone else. I can compete with myself.

That said, setting goals can sometimes be a trickier prospect than you think. Here’s what I’ve learned:

They have to be reasonable and attainable
This was actually the hardest lesson for me. I don’t like being reasonable. If I want to do something, my default setting is balls to the wall, take no prisoners. This might work when it involves staying up to three in the morning trying to make some kind of ridiculous word count, but the sad truth is your body is not a well-oiled machine that can take that kind of abuse right out of the gate. Physical limitations exist, and there’s not a lot we can do about it as mere mortals. As much as that pisses me off on occasion.

So how do you make a reasonable, attainable goal? That’s something you have to learn over time, since your rate of improvement is going to be different from mine. We’ve all got different walls we have to get past, different challenges when it comes to getting this thing done.

What I can suggest is start slow. Give yourself a short-term goal that isn’t too far ahead of where you are currently. If you hit that goal easily and early, crank it up next time. Keep doing that until you figure out what amounts to challenging, but not impossible.

They can’t be too easy, either
You might as well just pat yourself on the ass and have done with it, really.

Have more than one goal, with different time spans
I like having a bunch of short term goals, where I set a new one as soon as I knock the previous one down. But I also like having a long-term goal. For running, my current long-term goal is to run a 5k, because how cool would that be?

Short term goals normally last a week or two, and I tend to go for distance – I want to run four miles three times a week, for example. Short term goals should be things that ratchet up slowly, each one just a little tougher than the last. And ultimately, all those short term goals should add up to get you to your long term goal.

Reward yourself
Mostly, it should just be the warm feeling of ‘fuck yeah’ when you hit a goal and get to set a new one. Because that means you’re working hard and getting somewhere. But I also think that when you hit some kind of milestone, or hit a major goal, you should reward yourself.

The reward is up to you. You know what kind of treat will motivate you to keep pushing even when your muscles are burning and you just want to lay down under a tree and die. Make it a fun thing that you normally don’t get to do, a break in your routine. Go see a movie, pick up some new running music, or get that video game you’ve been needing an excuse to buy. Heck, go to the pet store and look at the kittens if that’s enough to keep you going. The last major goal I hit, I bought a Kinect for the Xbox so I could play dance games.

Two things I’d add:
1) Don’t reward yourself with time off. You want this to be a routine, and it should also be fun. Hitting a goal so you can have a day off of doing this awful, agonizing thing probably means you need to find something more fun to do.

2) Personally, I prefer not to make food into a reward. I’ve already got an unhealthy enough relationship with what I eat. I’ve been trying to make food into a normal thing, not an obsession, and promising myself a chocolate bar or ice cream really doesn’t help that. If you don’t have my food issues, though, and having a pint of Americone Dream waiting for you at the end of a major run keeps you going, more power to you.

Make like the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle
Once you’ve hit a certain point of Fit Fat Nerdness that’s currently beyond where I’m at, you can probably chuck this one out of the window if you want. But generally for running (or bike rides) I like to pick either a set time or a set distance to make, not both. I don’t like picking a hard number for how fast I have to be, since that can mean pushing yourself a lot harder than you necessarily should. Be as fast as you are and call it good.

By preference, I like setting distance goals and just letting the time be whatever it’s going to be. Rest assured, as you hit the same distance over and over again, you will eventually get faster.

For goodness sake, don’t make it a weight
There is a lot I could say about the entire weight issue in terms of fitness, and even more in terms of diet. And I plan to, at length, some day soon once my rantypants get back from the cleaners. Considering I’m already 900 words into this, I’m going to keep it simple here.

1) You should be doing this because you want to be fit. That is not the same thing as your weight equaling a particular number. Ever. Full stop. Done. Discussion over.

2) If you are losing weight – and it’s honestly likely you will if you go from being a couch surfer to someone that partakes in regular exercise – your weight loss will not be constant, or predictable. For the first 10% or so of your body weight it’ll likely fall away pretty fast. After that, it gets a lot more squirrely, and trying to set your sights on an unpredictable number that changes throughout the day is the path to madness.

3) Your actual weight is not going to say anything about how much you’ve progressed as a runner, biker, or whatever. Being able to, say, hit five miles without stopping will.

4) When you miss a goal, you should shrug, maybe frown a little, and move on, ready to try again. If you’re concerned enough about your weight that you’re even thinking making goals about it, I sincerely doubt that missing a weight goal will be something you can just shrug over and go on with your day. I’ve been there. It’s crushing, depressing, and a lot of other very unhappy verbs. This is supposed to be fun, not a way for you to destroy your own self esteem.

The most important thing: Don’t torture yourself
Because hey kids, torture isn’t fun. All of this is supposed to ultimately help you. So if you’re the type that gets down about goals when you miss them, toss all this advice out the window and move on to something more useful.

Consider it a corollary to Wheaton’s Law: Don’t be a dick. That also means don’t be a dick to yourself.

Hi, I’m Rachael. I’m a fat nerd. I also run 3-4 miles a day and have done kung fu for eight years. I’m not writing this because I want to be some kind of fitness guru. Hell no, that would be ridiculous. I’m writing this because I’ve got a lot of friends that struggle with the [metaphorical] Fitness Demon and I’m hoping my experience might make things a little easier for them. I’m also writing this because it’s a lot of stuff I wish someone had told me, back when I was making attempt after unsuccessful attempt to get into this exercise thing. If it helps you out, great.

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fitness for fat nerds

Fitness for Fat Nerds: Ohmygod Shoes!

This is a topic that’s caused a lot of digital ink to be spilled on the internet. A lot. I’m not in this to start up an argument. As always, I’m just going to throw out there what works for me and hope you can gain something useful from it.

I will say one thing, though, particularly when the debate hits the shoes versus barefoot issue. I haven’t really seen a convincing argument either way. I haven’t done a pubmed search recently, but when I last did, I wasn’t feeling all that compelled. If you google the topic, there’s also a lot of anecdotes. Athelete A always ran barefoot until an injury happened and then had to wear shoes. Awesome Athlete B wears shoes even when asleep. Person F tried running barefoot and then GOT CANCER AND DIED.

Okay, you probably won’t find all of those. Maybe. But you see where I’m going with this?

Unless you are Athlete A, B, or Person F, these stories don’t necessarily mean anything. Once again, I’m back to my old refrain of you have to find what works for you. Your feet are probably different from mine, and you’ve probably got a different running gait. You probably also have different feet from Athletes A and B, and so on.

If running barefoot works for you, great! If you’re like me and you have to wear fancy running shoes so your knees don’t explode and shower innocent passers by with fragments of cartilage, also great!

Personally…

You should probably understand where I’m coming from on the shoe issue. I had severe problems with my knees for several years, which come back to the fact that I have very weak arches that collapse. I have to wear shoes with a lot of arch support, and expensive insoles. That change in my footwear, plus a lot of physical therapy fixed my knee problems.

I also have an old weightlifting injury that’s messed up my right hip, which means my right leg gets rotated outward when I walk or run. That has the effect of making me limp depending on how I run. I changed my gait so that I’m now a “forefoot striker,” which means that I run on the balls of my feet and my heels never touch down. That’s actually fixed my limp.

So that’s where I’m coming from.

Shoe Shopping

I would rather shop for shoes than eat ants, but it’s kind of a near thing. I don’t enjoy shopping in general, and when it involves anything I put on my body, it’s even less pleasant.

That said, too bad. I learned the hard way that for me, shoes are important if I don’t want to destroy my joints.

My shoes for kung fu, I just get at normal shoe stores. For running shoes, particularly if you’re just trying to get into it, I really recommend going to a store that actually specializes. What you’re looking for are:
a) Treadmills, preferably with TVs nearby so they can record you run and show it to you.
b) Salespeople that don’t get paid on commission

I think it’s worth being willing to shell out a little more for a pair of good running shoes than your average cross trainers that you just wear around wherever. But point B is important because running shoes can get ridiculously expensive, and if you’re only doing 10 miles a week you’re not going to need some top of the line solid gold shoe that comes with its own mini jetpack. It’s best if the clerk you’re going to work with isn’t going to push you for something more expensive than you need.

I get my running shoes at Boulder Running Company. If you live in Colorado, I recommend them. One thing that impressed me is that the first time I went to their store to buy a pair of shoes, the clerk had me take off my shoes and socks and stand so he could get a look at my feet. It was exactly the same routine I’d gone through with my physical therapist a few months before.

Once you get a pair of shoes to try on, you should get to run on a treadmill, and even run outside. This is important. Shoes feel different between walking and running. Something that feels great to walk in may not be nearly as good for running. It’s even better if they can actually record a video your feet while you run and then play it back in slow motion. This was how I discovered the source of my gait problem with my right leg.

The other reason it’s important to trot around at least a little in a potential pair of shoes is that they should be comfortable out of the box. I think we’re all used to the idea of needing to “break shoes in.” What this really means is that the shoes don’t fit you right. Yes, you don’t want to buy a new pair of shoes and immediately go run a 5k in them, but they should feel good enough out of the box that you could put in a couple of miles and feel good about it.

It’s this search for shoes that are comfortable out of the box that takes the most time. My first pair of decent running shoes took a solid hour of trying pairs on and swapping them around. After that, it gets easier because you can just take your defunct shoes in, brandish the carcass at the clerk, and ask for something similar.

Also, you need to make peace with the fact that you’re going to have to go through the shopping and expense relatively often. With running shoes, it’s not the years, it’s the mileage. Normally the clerk can tell you about how many miles you should expect a shoe to be good for before it starts breaking down. My new ones? About 500 miles. So if I keep up with my current running regimen, they’ll last a little less than a year.

I do have several friends who run barefoot, or run using what are basically foot gloves like these Vibrams since it’s the next best thing to running without shoes and means you’re not going to get cut by broken glass. One of my friends doesn’t even run in those – he just wears them everywhere in place of sneakers. So if that’s of interest to you, explore the possibility.

I would just encourage you to not become too wedded to any single idea until you’ve found what does work for you. Barefoot running might sound great, but if you start having problems with your heels, you may have to reexamine how to make things work. Those nice running shoes you just bought might be putting too much lateral force on your ankles and setting you up for an injury. If your shoes are hurting you, get rid of them.

My Shoes, because I know you totally care

I don’t expect this to be nearly as useful as talking about the art of shoe shopping, but I thought I should throw these in here in case there’s something useful to be gleaned.

For kung fu, it’s taken me eight years to find a pair of shoes that I actually really like. A lot of guys at my school actually wear Sambas, which I tried out but found the arch to be way too high. The Puma Ligas were perfect for my foot type, and the insole peels out easily so it can be replaced. People at my school also wear normal cross trainers and skater shoes. Almost no one wears “martial arts” shoes.

I think the best thing about the Ligas is the sole. I wore cross trainers for a long time in kung fu and particularly when I started getting in to spinning/flying kicks, I noticed the really textured soles made it harder to turn. And when I did turn, I could feel it put more lateral pressure on my knees, which is not a thing I like. Additionally, it started ripping pieces off the soles of my shoes, which made them a lot less comfortable. These have enough texture that they’re not dangerous to walk in, but they feel really nice for martial arts.

Actually, I like Ligas so much at this point that they’re the shoe I wear for my every day life. The only bad thing about them is that the sole is thin and doesn’t have much padding. So when you step on a rock, boy do you feel it. And cold goes through them in nothing flat, so they’re not great for winter wear.

These are the new running shoes I just picked up. I had a pair of New Balance before, and these are the closest equivalent to them. I’m not going to shill for NB as a brand, because everything fits pretty differently. Mostly, you’ll just notice these have some pretty heavy duty support in the forefoot, which is what I needed. This one also has less rigid support on the arch – just a little less – because the wear patterns on my old shoes showed I was getting pushed to the outside a little by that.

My insoles. I use blue-flavored superfeet because that’s what my physical therapist told me to do, and I would walk over hot coals for that woman. Are they better than any other insoles? No idea. I would say they’re definitely more supportive than the ones that come with shoes. I’d never go back. Do you need them? It depends on you and your feet.

This pair is pretty old – you can tell from the nasty sweat-stained footprint that I’ve driven into the foam. However, they’re still okay to use since the plastic isn’t cracked and I haven’t actually worn through anything yet. Which means they’ve outlasted the pair of shoes they were once in. So even if they are relatively expensive, you don’t have to replace them too often.

Hi, I’m Rachael. I’m a fat nerd. I also run 3-4 miles a day and have done kung fu for eight years. I’m not writing this because I want to be some kind of fitness guru. Hell no, that would be ridiculous. I’m writing this because I’ve got a lot of friends that struggle with the [metaphorical] Fitness Demon and I’m hoping my experience might make things a little easier for them. I’m also writing this because it’s a lot of stuff I wish someone had told me, back when I was making attempt after unsuccessful attempt to get into this exercise thing. If it helps you out, great.

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fitness for fat nerds

Fitness for Fat Nerds: Doctor, Doctor Give Me the News

There are several things you need to do before you get started on the whole exercise thing, my fellow fat nerds. Make sure you have good shoes (more on this later). If you’re of the female fat nerd persuasion, get some good sports bras. Invest in a tiny mp3 player if you like music. Things like that. But here’s one you probably haven’t thought about:

Get a new doctor.

Well, let me back off that blanket statement a little. Your doctor might be perfectly fine. Your doctor might be wonderful, one you’ve had for years and years, one that listens to you and works with you. If you’re lucky that way, good for you. Don’t just keep that doctor, declare it Awesome Doctor Appreciation Day and make him or her a pie.

But most of us? Need a new doctor. It’s a giant pain in the ass, depending upon your insurance company. Your options might be severely limited. But it’s worth it to explore those options.

Let me tell you a story.

Back in 2005, I was unemployed. My job hunt was becoming so desperate that I seriously considered joining the Army as a viable career path. That didn’t end up panning out, but one thing the Army recruiters did that I will owe them on for the rest of my life is they taught me how to run. So even when I gave up on the Army thing, I kept running.

Somewhere in there, I started developing these awful, sharp, shooting pains in my knees when I ran.

Now, I hate going to the doctor. I hate the feeling that I’m being a whiner, if nothing else. I’m much more of the suck it up, Cupcake school of pain management. So if I’m willing to actually make an appointment and go, that should tell you just how much pain I have to be in. Enough pain that mainlining Advil doesn’t cut it. Enough pain that I’m actually starting to worry about my bodily integrity.

So after months of increasing knee pain, I finally went to the doctor.

You know what the doctor told me? Your knees hurt because you’re fat. Lose 15 pounds and they won’t hurt so much.

Never mind that my knees hurt because I was exercising, and at that point I had already dropped 20 pounds. Never mind that the pain was so severe on some days that it was interfering with my ability to exercise and thus continue to lose weight. I just needed to lose more weight, and things would magically become better.

I kept going with running and kung fu and did my best to just ignore the increasing amounts of pain, because I told myself it was all a weight issue. The pain in my knees got bad enough that I started having problems with stairs. At that point, I considered going to the doctor again, but I knew that she’d just tell me I was still too fat. I didn’t see a point in coughing up a copay so my doctor could make me feel like shit about myself.

A few years after the original diagnosis of being too fat, my right knee locked up and I fell down the stairs. My significant other convinced me to try going to the doctor again.

Due to the strange vagaries of being in an HMO, I ended up seeing a different doctor.

She listened to me explain my knee pain, about how much exercise I was getting per week. She actually believed that I was that physically active, in spite of my weight. She messed with my knees a bit and then told me that “A lot of female athletes have this type of knee pain…” Yes. She used the word athlete. And then she referred me to a physical therapist.

It took the physical therapist all of five minutes to diagnose my problem (I have an old injury in my right hip that screws up my leg alignment, plus arches that collapse), tell me to get special insoles for all my shoes, and give me a set of exercises to do.

So that was great. Unfortunately, the damage had already been done. I had to take two years off of both running and kung fu while I let the physical therapy do its work. My knees are better now, but they will never be good.

And a lot of that is because I had a doctor who didn’t want to look further than my weight.

There are a lot of doctors out there like that. And that’s a problem. I avoided going to my former doctor a lot of times when I shouldn’t have because I didn’t want to get a lecture about how I needed to lose weight. I knew that I was overweight, and I was trying to do something about it. When I did have a problem severe enough to make me go, it was blamed on my weight if there was even a tenuous connection that could be made.

If you’re serious about physical activity, if you find a way to exercise that you enjoy and do a lot, you are going to end up needing to see a doctor. You’ll screw up your ankle, or mess up your knee, or pull a muscle. It’s going to happen. Life in general is hard on our bodies, and if we live it large and have fun, injury is almost inevitable. And that should be fine.

You need a doctor that you can trust to actually listen to you when there is a problem, someone who will help you fix the problem instead of just telling you to lose weight and call it a day.

Hell, even if you’re not going to turn into a fitness fiend, you deserve a doctor that will listen to you. This is not to say that we are completely divorced from our weight. There are some health problems we fat nerds can end up with that are related to our level of fat. But our health is also so much more than just our weight.

And so are we.