Alex Acks: Sound and Nerdery

Graduation was lovely. Dr. Lang Farmer is the department head now, so he gave a fairly brief little speech. He really emphasized how important our degrees are, not because of the knowledge that we’ve learned to earn them, but because we’ve presumably also learned to think about things critically and to not accept facts at face value. He made an incredibly good point about the importance of critical thinking, and how training in the earth sciences field gives us a foundation for that sort of thinking.

So I got to stand at the front of the auditorium with my nine other undergrads and get a little applause, as well as a pretty diploma cover and a nice coffee mug. I’ve been in at least one class with each of the guys I graduated with; it was an odd thing to notice, since I’ll be surprised if I see any of them again any time soon.

Celebration dinner is tomorrow, and after that all I can really do is wait for my grades to finish posting, then see what the two schools I applied at for graduate study have to say.

As for the last bit of my post title, I just heard about Senator Schumer mouthing off to a flight attendant, then calling her a “bitch” under his breath. That was a jerky thing for him to do, and I hope he makes a proper apology. That would be a jerky thing for any man to do, regardless of his politics. I could go in to more detail about the language issue, but Dan has made the point much better than I could. I tend to believe that words only have the power that you choose to give them**; on the other hand, you simply cannot ignore the historical baggage that goes with a word, or the way the rest of the culture understands it. The “porch monkey” scene from Clerks 2 springs instantly to mind.

** Though this admittedly operates as an excuse for the fact that I curse like a sailor at the slightest provocation.

I only just realized that I missed my regular Wednesday posting date; I apologize. This was finals week, and things have been a bit strange and hectic. I did my last final on Tuesday, but on Wednesday there were holiday packages to mail, and many a thing to check and double check to make sure I’d be ready for Friday. For tomorrow, at this point. Well, today, actually, since it’s a few minutes after midnight as I write this.

I’m graduating with my BA in Geology (second major in Japanese Language and Culture) tomorrow at around 11. I’m excited, to be sure. I’m off the hook for school, at least for one semester. No homework! No early classes! I can read what I want! I may even have some extra cash on hand since I can work more, though most of it needs to go toward the wedding.

A bit of it, I’m not sure how I feel about, though. I haven’t graduated from anything since I was in High School. I’ve elected this time around to not wear the funny robe and hat, since I just can’t get myself excited about being one face among hundreds in a stadium. I’ll be going to my department graduation, of course. And after? Well, I’ve put in my grad school applications; I imagine I’ll find out if I’m going to be going back to school in a month or two. What if I don’t? What if I do?

It’s funny, but you’d think someone less than a year away from being thirty would know what she’s going to do with the rest of her life. The more grown-up I become, though, the more I’m beginning to realize the dirty little secret of being grown-up. Older may mean a little more experienced, maybe even a little wiser, but as you slowly count the days by, the change is so small, so incremental that you never notice the difference until it’s been ten years and you’re wondering what the hell you were thinking when you were 19. I’m a different person than I was when I graduated high school, yet also still the same.

The end of an eleven year journey didn’t fill me with a sudden strong sense of my life calling. It’s really just left me with an incredibly expensive bit of paper and the same questions I’ve always faced. What do I want to be when I grow up? What am I good at? (Too many things, if I’m being honest with myself, to be willing to just pick one and stick with it.) Where will I be in another ten years? I don’t have any better idea now than I did when I was 18 or 19. And this expensive paper, this degree, what does it actually mean? To be honest, I don’t feel smarter than when I started out. Maybe now I know what various sedimentary structures look like, or the significance of the Imperial Rescript to Soldiers and Sailors, or what Gender Queer Theory is, but knowledge has never been the same as wisdom. I may know more things, but I still approach many problems and wonders with a profound since of puzzlement, and deep down I’m still just as worried that this time, I may not figure out the solution.

Some small part of me wants to be afraid at this thought, because so many people my age and older make it look easy. They have plans. Some wanted to get married, some wanted careers, some wanted a family. Some knew what careers they wanted and got themselves there. Some knew what careers they wanted and didn’t. But I also know that I’m not alone, because we all have doubts, and I think that beneath the surface of any confident person that hasn’t crept across that terrible dividing line into the realm of the fanatic, there’s still that uncertainty, that question.

What do I want to be when I grow up? I still don’t know. Maybe in another ten years, I will. Or the ten years after that… or the ten years after that…

I think this post makes an interesting point.

Actually, when I originally posted about the Peter Watts incident, the two examples that sprang instantly to mind about people being hassled by the border patrol or immigration were the problems that Fouad and Aki’s friends had. Later, Chelsea reminded me that she’d had a nasty run-in with the US-Canada border patrol, which makes for an awful story all on its own.

Fouad is British (if I’m remembering correctly), though he’s of Pakistani descent. So you can imagine the sort of hassle he would be subject to any time he’s trying to go anywhere near the United States. Aki’s friends are Japanese, and a rough-looking bunch if you don’t know them, so also very obviously not American and not white. I suppose the thing to consider here is if you find it all that surprising that they were hassled, as opposed to Chelsea (though if you’re young and college-aged, that opens up the whole “must be doing drugs” can of worms, I’m sure) or Dr. Watts. When I heard these various stories, I was shocked and outraged each time – but hearing it from Aki’s friends or from Fouad didn’t surprise me. Because I think I’ve gotten to the point that, even if it’s still appalling and it still pisses me off, people who made the awful mistake of being brown and wanting to visit a foreign country getting hassled in airports or at border crossings is par for the course.

And that is really, really not okay, from any angle you approach it.

Just home from my Japanese History Final, which I think went quite well. I feel like a 4.0 semester is within my grasp.

Update on Dr. Watts’ site. And there’s an article in at least the online version of the Toronto Star. There have actually been a few other articles now, including one I saw from the AP. It sounds like things are going as well as they can at this point – he’s gotten back most of his stuff, other than his laptop and thumb drive, which Homeland security is no doubt crawling through in the hopes of finding something, anything damning.

Here’s hoping things continue to improve.

ETA: Canadian sci-fi authors rush to Peter Watts’ defense.