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politics things that are hard to write Uncategorized

Suicide is cheaper

A lot of you may not know this, but I used to be an EMT-B. I volunteered on a 911 ambulance service, and spent most of my time running out of fire stations in Commerce City.

Commerce City (aka Combat Shitty) is an industrial area of Denver where there are a lot of poor and working poor. There’s a lot of violence and chances for industrial accidents. It’s one of the places you go if you want to see trauma calls and gunshot wounds.

That’s not all you see there, though.

Sometimes you get a call out to one of the little trailer parks, because people do live here even though no one really wants to, and it’s for chest pains, possible heart attack. It’s an older man in a uniform (you decide what kind) pale and sweaty and shaking, his face like dough. He’s got a crocheted afghan in a startling color combination covering his lap, and his wife (you guess she’s the one who made it, she’s got that look) wrings her hands nearby. She’s the one that called you. He’s as mad as he can manage when he can barely breathe.

The paramedic hooks up the EKG.You don’t know how to read the bouncing lines, but even you know it’s not good. Okay, let’s go. We need to get you to the hospital.

“No.”

You’re probably having a heart attack. This could kill you. You need to come with us.

“No. It’s too expensive. I can’t.”

He’s got kids, and grandkids, and too much debt already. That’s what he tells you. And you try to tell him that life is worth a hell of a lot more than money. Grandkids, right? You want to play with your grandkids.

“I don’t want them to pay my bills.”1

Your paramedic calls the hospital and has one of the ER docs talk to the man, try to scare him or cajole him into coming along. The sick man’s wife wrings her hands some more, rubs his shoulders, but she doesn’t argue with him, doesn’t help us. She’s in the shadow of that same specter.

And that’s all you can do, in the end. You can argue, cajole, even threaten a little, and it doesn’t matter. The man knows who he is, where he is, when it is (that’s called AAOx3) and he has the right to refuse your help, by law

So you pack up your things and walk, really slowly, to the door. You drive away so slowly that cars honk at you. Because you’re hoping, you’re goddamn hoping that poor man will collapse while you’re still only a couple miles from his trailer, and his wife will call you, and you can come screaming back and save his life whether he wants you to or not, like you’re some kind of goddamn hero.

This happens every goddamn day. Heart attacks and car accidents and sickness, and they won’t go because they’re so fucking scared of debt collectors harassing them, harassing their families. This is one of the reasons I stopped being an EMT. I couldn’t handle seeing people kill themselves like this any more, because I want to believe we live in a world where life is still more important than money. I couldn’t handle feeling complicit and responsible for someone’s life when they had to make a shitty, impossible decision like that.

So yeah, maybe people without insurance don’t get thrown out of the doors of an ER to bleed out in the snow. I guess that’s the image Mitt Romney is going for because it sounds incredibly ridiculous.

“We don’t have a setting across this country where if you don’t have insurance, we just say to you, ‘Tough luck, you’re going to die when you have your heart attack,’  ” he said as he offered more hints as to what he would put in place of “Obamacare,” which he has pledged to repeal.
“No, you go to the hospital, you get treated, you get care, and it’s paid for, either by charity, the government or by the hospital. We don’t have people that become ill, who die in their apartment because they don’t have insurance.”

We do have people who die in their apartments (or trailers, or houses, or by the side of the road) because they lack insurance. But it’s not necessarily because no one will take them. It’s because they won’t fucking go in the first place, because suicide is cheaper. Because if you’re going to die, it’s better to not leave your already grieving family drowning in debt and destroying what pride they have left in searching for charity that may never materialize.

Every goddamn day.

1 – Debt collectors can’t legally go after anyone but spouses (and in some states not even that) in a case like this, unless it was the kids/grandkids that signed the hospital admissions. This does not stop unscrupulous debt collection agencies from trying however, and many people do not understand their legal rights. (Also, families can be put in the position of supporting the person who is trying to pay the debt, which is a whole other ball of wax.)

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zomg

Like a rock star.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to this whole limo service thing. Coming out of the concourse to find a guy in a nice tie and jacket holding a sign with my name on it makes me wonder who the hell’s life I fell in to. There are people that do this often? Really? 

And this is the start of my second interview trip. I hope this rock star feeling is a good sign. 
Then the nice man in the tie and coat drove me to the Houstonian. “You’re going there?” he asked. “Yeah,” I told him. “Someone else did all the reservations. I have no idea where I’m going. Is it nice?”
He laughed like I’d asked him a joke. “Oh yeah. Really nice.”
Wow. Driving up, there went my plan of slinking off to a convenient McDonalds for horrible dinner on the cheap.
I don’t think I could ever get used to letting someone open a car door for me. But I’d sure like to try.
And then another really nice guy in a suit told me that I got a free upgrade to a suite and everything went sort of fuzzy and glowy, as if I’d been hit in the back of the head with a tennis ball.

I think the bathroom is larger than my bedroom at home. 
I had an amazing dinner (lalala I can’t hear you, credit card) where earnest men in nice uniforms were very interested in how I liked everything and the state of my iced tea glass. (Though who would’ve thought, their beer list really wasn’t that impressive. Huh.) I had the one vegetarian entree on the menu. (This is how you can tell you’re in Texas.)
And now I’m writing this to you on free internet. Since apparently we’ve gone past cheap hotel free internet, through expensive hotel holy shit you have to be kidding me internet, and into a whole new zone of that glorious series of tubes.
A chocolate and a JK Rowling quote. No, I love you, Houstonian. (Even if I have things to say about her new book, which can wait until I’m done slogging through it.) 
This is my fantasy life. Can I be this cool for real some day?
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Uncategorized

Just asking questions.

I would just like to note that this “just asking questions” crapwave about the unemployement numbers is driving me absolutely batty. Jack Welch (former CEO of GE) is the poster child for this one:

When Matthews asked him if he had any evidence to prove his assertion correct, Welch admitted that he did not.
“I have no evidence to prove that, I just raise the question,” he said.

The reason I’m headdesking so hard is that this is the exact same thing men who wear tinfoil hats and claim we didn’t land on the moon say. Well, I don’t have any actual evidence. I’m just asking questions. As if that makes it any less dishonest with a side of passive aggressive cowardice. (Since of course, hiding behind the claim that you’re just asking questions is a way to dump responsibility for making a ridiculous or laughable accusation.)

Asking questions is fine, when it comes with a mind open to answering evidence. “Just asking questions” is cowardice pretending to be inquiry. Bleh.

I would pay good money if someone with a bigger platform than me would baldly point out that Welch and his friends sound like they’re going to start disputing the moon landing and the fact that the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor.

And speaking of questions, I’m having a horrible time with this assignment I’m working on. I’m the worst ever at coming up with research questions for proposals. Particularly because everything I’ve come up with so far is way too similar to my thesis research, and that’s not allowed.

At least I have my powerpoint done for my second interview. It’s a thing of beauty. So many pretty pictures.

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liveblog

First Presidential Debate Liveblog

Okay, so let’s see what snark I can come up with between drinks. I have come well prepared with beer, cider (thanks Isaac) and THE KRAKEN.

Pre-debate show is on. Still can’t believe they closed down I-25. Way to make everyone in Denver hate both candidates.

1848: Debate is soon, but until then I am happy to watch my TV girlfriend Rachel Maddow.

1855: I still think they should have called the Al Sharpton show “Revved Up.”

1855: And I also love the little countdown clock for debate time. Oh MSNBC, you are made of such geeks.

1856: So my current plan is to drink every time Romney says my friends, job creators, Obamacare, or claims he’s going to create a brazillion jobs without specifying how. And I’ll drink when Obama says let me be clear, Romneycare, mentions he killed Osama bin Laden, or points out that the Republicans originally murdered the economy. That alone ought to get me pretty trashed.

1859: Proposal: next debate to be hosted by Ru Paul. Romney and Obama will lip sync for their lives.

1900: Not sure how I feel about this debate format. We’ll see how it goes…

1901: Chris, look, I fail to see how anyone wouldn’t want to kick Richard Nixon in the balls.

1901: YAY JIM LEHRER. I grew up watching you.  Eerily, I don’t feel like he really looks much older. Anyway about this format, I don’t know how the open discussion is going to go. I bet they just talk over each other a lot.

1903: Specific? HAHAHA it is like Jim Lehrer’s wish list on what he wants. Would you like a pony too, Jim?

1904: Obama grabbed Romney’s arm first in the handshake. I think that means he gets to keep one of his ears as a trophy.

1904: Obama won the coin toss? Obviously a terrorist coin.

1904: Well, he mentioned Michelle. I am not going to take a drink though, since it is their anniversary and he has to. BUT YOU ARE ON NOTICE, OBAMA.

1905: “New economic patriotism.” – The middle class? What about the working poor? But yeah, he whipped out that line again about using the savings from ending the wars. Wouldn’t that be nice.

1907: Romney just mentioned Anne.

1907: He just claims he won’t be cutting taxes for the wealthy. ORLY.

1908: Trickle down government? Really Romney?

1908: Wow. Lookit Obama using actual numbers and stuff.

1910: It’s an interesting approach on how Obama keeps saying they agree… and then pointing out that they don’t really at all. Obama’s still in fine form, I think.

1911: Jim says he wants things to be specific again. You poor man.

1911: “I don’t have a five trillion dollar tax cut. I don’t have a tax cut!” ARE YOU SHITTING ME HE JUST SAID THAT?

1912: Mitt Romney likes coal. Clean coal apparently. He whispers to it soothingly at night. He pets it. (Well, and that’s a clear thing. Open ALL THE GOVERNMENT LAND for drilling. And Alaska. And a pipeline. Ugh.)

1914: No tax cut that adds to the deficit Mitt? And just for middle income Americans? Would he care to define what he considers middle income? WE WOULD LIKE TO KNOW.

1916: Oh my god. The look of pain on Jim Lehrer’s face when Romney ran over him. Jim, I could have told you this format was a bad idea.

1917: “I have five boys. I’m used to people telling me something that’s not true and just repeating it” OH NO YOU DID NOT MITT ROMNEY. YOU DID NOT. God please tell me Obama is warming up his laser eyes.

1918: “For six months he’s been running on this tax plan. And now his big, bold idea is: never mind.” OOOH LASER EYE BEAMS. BURN. “It’s math. It’s arithmetic ” I see we have reached the portion of the evening where Obama will channel Bill Clinton.

1920: “Under his definition Donald Trump is a small business. Now I know Donald Trump doesn’t like to thinking about himself as a small anything…” Well Obama has made me laugh several times already.

1921: I feel like Mitt Romney just agreed that most of the small businesses aren’t actually small businesses.

1923: You know, I love that Obama keeps bringing up math. And then Bill Clinton, so I must drink. But I’m really glad he’s bringing up the historical perspective.

1924: They are never going to let poor Jim change the subject, are they.

1925: Apparently Mitt Romney’s plan is like nothing we’ve ever seen before. Why does it not sound that way? And it doesn’t matter what you’re saying your plan is, IT STILL DIDN’T WORK.

1927: Yes, send things to the state level, because the states are totally flush with money to run programs at a smaller economy of scale.

1929: Hahaha Obama should have grabbed Simpson-Bowles but Romney would have a different plan? Really? And how was Obama supposed to have grabbed the damn plan when congress didn’t pass it?

1932: Wow, you really want to go there with the Bush tax cuts thing?

1933: Obama: Romney has ruled out revenue.
Romney: Absolutely.
…and then you can see him realize oh shit, he just said that.

1934: Oh good, Obama’s bringing up industry deductions. Particularly the oil industry. Oh, and the corporate jet tax rates.

1937: Romney’s smile is getting smaller, it seems.

1938: Isaac: I think Romney’s camera is out of focus.
Me: It’s because he doesn’t have a soul.
David: Vampires never show up properly on camera.

1939: Romney claims he’s never heard of tax breaks for moving a factory out of the US. Obama’s eyebrows go ‘boink.’

1940: Romney, I don’t think any of the states have ever begged to get to take care of their poor solely on their own. Maybe the states in your own head.

1941: Wow. Obama didn’t even seem to feel like it was necessary to ask for the last word.

1943: I notice Romney is very careful about saying that he’s not doing anything to current retirees. OH GOD AND THERE IS THAT 716 BILLION BULLSHIT NUMBER BLARGH DRINK DRINK DRINK

1946: Vouchers. Drink!

1946: Oooh, nice. “If you’re 54 or 55 you might want to listen up…” And then brings up Paul Ryan’s plan. Romney appears to be visibly in pain.

1947: Obama brings up the AARP.
Isaac: Let me bring out my giant red old people stick.
HAHAHA and then Obama says he’s now become fond of the term “Obamacare” and Mitt Romney gives him the church friends fuck you smile.

1948: Jim: Do you support the voucher system, governor?
Romney: I support not changing anything for the current retirees BLAH BLAH BLAH 716 BILLION.
Wow. That’s a minor meltdown on stage. He’s getting kind of testy and talking faster.

1950: Obama brings up higher administrative costs plus profit for the private industry. Where’s the money come from. And then brings up the AARP again. It’s almost like he knows Paul Ryan got booed there.

1951: Romney says if medicare is great, it’s the product people can purchase.
Mom: Health care is not a can of beans, asshole.
Well stated, mom.

1952: Romney says that regulation is essential to a free market. I think somewhere, Paul Ryan just shit in his pants. What?

1953: Oh god, now we’re getting in to repeal and replace on poor, toothless Dodd-Frank?

1953: Wow, that is a major smile from Obama. I think Romney may be in trouble.

1955: Yep. He’s in trouble. “The question is, does anyone out there think there was too much oversight of Wall Street? Because if you do, Governor Romney is your candidate.” Ouch.

1957: HAHAHA HEALTHCARE. I’d better get another drink.

1958: ROMNEY FFS NO ONE BUYS THE 716 BILLION THING.

1958: I deny that Romney knows what a kitchen table is. He has servants for that.

2000: Anyone else feel surprised Obama actually said insurance companies aren’t allowed to “jerk you around?” Is it just me?

2001: Jim: Two minutes are up sir.
Obama: I had five seconds left before you interrupted me. *grin*
Me: /giggle

2001: Obama: We saw it worked well – in Massachusetts
OOOOOOH BURN

2002: Romney just accepted ownership of Romneycare. I think that sound was Rush Limbaugh exploding. And really Romney, you wanted to bring up the lack of Republican votes, when the Republicans have said on record they won’t vote for anything Obama brings up? Really?

2004: Romney: blah blah blah bipartisan
Obama: It was a Republican idea. And Democrats in Massachusetts should have given Republicans in congress advice on how to cooperate.
This. This is not turning out to be a good segment for Mitt Romney.

2007: Young people staying on their parents insurance is NOT COVERED in the private market, not up to the age of 26. Geeze.

2009: Mitt Romney invoked the free market fairy. And personal responsibility. Asshole.

2009: Obama’s really hammering the lack of details. Good for him. “Is Romney keeping all of these plans secret because they’re too good?” Nicely delivered sarcasm.

2012: The Reagan fairy has also been invoked. DRINK!

2013: Oh the role of government. Oh Gosh.

2014: Good work on bringing up things like the National Academy of Sciences and the transcontinental railroad. Bringing up that idea that the government can create opportunities and do things that individuals or even states can’t. He’s delivering this argument very compellingly, I think.

2016: “Governor Romney doesn’t think we need more teachers. I do.”

2016: Romney loves great schools. And kittens. And moms. He rejects that he doesn’t like great teachers? Why did he say we didn’t need more then?

2017: I think this ‘trickle-down government’ thing is the new buzz phrase, but no. Just no. It makes no sense.

2019: And here comes school choice. Everyone groans at Romney. We know he means vouchers, he just doesn’t have the sack to say it.

2022: And Obama mentions Romney saying people can borrow money from their parents OOOH HE WENT THERE.

2023: Wait… apparently he would have hired teachers with the money Obama used for green jobs except… uh… he said we don’t need any more teachers.

2024: We need to grade our schools so parents can take their kids to the schools that are more successful because that totally makes sense. Because then all the kids get shoved at those schools and GOSH. WHAT EVEN.

2026: Jim Lehrer asked about governmental gridlock ILU JIM

2026: Oooooh nice. Obama: Romney is going to have a busy first day since he’s going to repeal Obamacare… which is not going to be popular with Democrats when you’re sitting down with them.

2028: Obama didn’t point out that the Republicans are obstructionist fucksticks, but I am charmed that he pointed out Romney hasn’t been ballsy enough to say no to the right wing of his own party.

2031: Mitt Romney: Concerned. He is very concerned. Look at those eyebrows.

2032: Mitt Romney and his magic jobs that he will create with a languid wave of his hand.

2033: Oooh, next is the VP debate. That ought to be fun. Though not as awesome as Biden versus Palin.

So I feel like Obama came out ahead, just because Romney had a couple major meltdowns and lost his cool a couple of times.

Rachel Maddow calls Romney more hyper or amped. I think frenetic is the word you want.

I do agree, I would have seen a little more attack from Obama.

Wow… I do not agree with the after show panel at all.

Though Chris Hayes pointing out that Romney dumped the right wing is true. I wonder if he’s going to get eaten for that.

And I am too drunk to drive home. See you for the next debate!

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Uncategorized

Second interview

I got a call for a second interview! And it’s with one of the companies that I’m super excited about. (Hi, I’m not being ambiguous or anything, no sir, not me.)

I’ll be flying out to Houston on Tuesday next week for the interview. I feel all sorts of grown up and business-y now. Please think good thoughts for me on Wednesday, as I will be trying to convince a really awesome company that they should hire me and let me pay off my student debt by doing fun things.

Because I learned that when I worked for AT&T. If the work isn’t fun, it’s never worth the money.

Here’s hoping they don’t make me lip sync for my life.

But “good luck and don’t fuck it up” seems an appropriate sentiment.

Also, unrelated: Aloo gobi and plain yogurt may be the best breakfast ever. Discuss.

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fitness for fat nerds

Fitness for Fat Nerds: Martial Arts Red Flags

Before I got into biking, my big fitness thing was kung fu. It’s actually what wore the cartilage out of my shoulder – don’t worry, that’s not a thing that normally happens. But now that I’ve had surgery and am at full recovery AND I’m back in Denver, I’ve returned to my kung fu school. I couldn’t be happier.

There’s a lot to be said for a class environment. If you’ve got a competitive personality like me, it’s a great way to stay motivated. Plus you get to kick things. What’s cooler than that?
…I kid. The kicking things is really secondary to the class culture and philosophy. 
The biggest problem with getting in to martial arts is that there are, frankly, a lot of horrifically bad schools out there that just want to suck money out of you. I was really lucky to find my school (Shao Lin Hung Mei Kung Fu) when I did. They’re a non-profit. That’s pretty unusual in the realm of martial arts schools, though.
These are what I consider to be the five major red flags:
  1. The money: Classes can be expensive, but there’s expensive and there’s “you’re out of your fucking mind.” I pay $45 per month for up to four lessons per week; that’s for a non-profit. When I was looking around for schools previously, there were some that were running $250-$300 per week, which is insane. Even if the lessons themselves seem reasonable, check to see what else your school might require you to buy. Are uniforms really expensive and required? Do you have to buy weapons? What fees do they charge for testing for advancement, and how often will you be expected to advance? 
  2. Is it a “belt factory?” That’s a term you’ll hear get tossed around pretty often as a way to dismiss really crappy, money-grubbing schools. It’s normally a bad sign if there are a zillion of different belt colors, and even worse if testing for them is on a set schedule – and you have to pay a lot of fees. You should not be guaranteed any kind of belt in any set amount of time. (eg: Black belt in six months!) Everyone learns at a very different pace. And this is the thing about belts. They’re nice. They’re an accomplishment, an outward sign of your advancing knowledge within the art. But they should not be the point of the school. If you feel like there’s a lot of emphasis being placed on belts and rankings, be wary.
  3. What’s the ancestry? A good teacher should know his lineage (as in, who taught his master, who taught his master’s master, etc) back at least three generations. 
  4. Are they teaching the kitchen sink? I’ve seen a lot of schools that advertise that they teach Judo and Jiujutsu and Karate and Kung Fu and Tai Chi. Yikes. Unless you’re specifically looking for something more mixed (and if you want MMA that’s a whole other thing I know nothing about) I’d recommend caution. It takes a long time and a lot of hard work to get good at even one style. Trust me, trying to go from some form of, say, kung fu to tai chi is not easy, and unless you have a good understanding of the first style before moving on to the second, you’re just going to end up learning a lot of stuff badly. 
  5. Are they using ‘kung fu’ as a catch-all? This is one that really drives me nuts since I’ve been learning a style of Shao Lin kung fu, but it’s not something most people will necessarily know. There are five major families of Shao Lin kung fu (Hung, Liu, Cai, Li, Mok) and each of those families has sub-groups within it. They’re all very, very different. If someone is advertising that they’re teaching Hung Mei or Hung Gar, that’s good. If it’s just generic “kung fu” that doesn’t mean they’re necessarily going to be bad, but it means you likely won’t be getting the more traditional art. So you need to decide if that’s important.
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Uncategorized

The show must go on.

I went to my first concert in just… ages last night – Nightwish at the Ogden. You know, I can’t actually remember the last time I went to a concert. I think it might have been Flogging Molly, years and years ago, when Within a Mile of Home first came out.

Well, that’s another thing to rectify once I have both time and money again. I’m also still so very, very bitter about missing Florence + the Machine since I was in Houston when they were in Colorado.

But anyway, Nightwish. Kamelot opened for them. They’re… similar to Nightwish I guess, but I like Nightwish much better. I think I will search out a bit more of their music, though, to give it a try when I’m not half deaf and can actually understand the lyrics.

After Kamelot finished their set, Marco (the bass player) gave us some bad news from the stage. Anette (the lead singer) was extremely sick and had been taken to the hospital. So our options were basically to just give up and go home, or do the best we could… without the lead singer.

The crowd was game. Better half a show than nothing at all, right?

The female singer from Kamelot also helped out by singing the songs she knew – the older ones, like Amaranth and Nemo. It wasn’t perfect, but she was trying her heart out. From the audience, I think we were cheering even harder for her. And of course, we were all singing along to what we knew.

I can’t say it was a satisfying concert, but what really impressed me was that they tried, so hard. And we tried too, and still managed to have plenty of fun. Because what can you do? Better to try hard and love what you have rather than go home empty-handed and bitter.

I wish Anette a speedy recovery, and I hope she and Nightwish will be back in Denver soon. As much fun as I had, I imagine full, proper concert would be even better.

Categories
free read writing

The Last Lighthouse

Well, I wanted to write something for the lovely @lindsqualls since it sounds like she’s had a rough few weeks. And I wanted to write something that didn’t involve sentences in passive voice about paleosols, so there you go. I have such awful thesis brain right now I’m not going to claim it’s any good. But it felt nice to write.

Love!

The Last Lighthouse

The undines are on the beach again at sunset, smooth black and white pebbles skittering under their tiny blue feet. Meg limps down the steps of the lighthouse, waving her apron to shoo them away. They run only when she’s but a few feet away, liquid giggles following them into the waves.

“Little devils,” Meg mutters, scraping a few stray gray hairs from her forehead with fingers bent by age. “Either you’re getting faster, or I’m getting slower.” The pebbles are now mixed with shards of glass, stray scraps of paper fluttering in the endless, damp breeze. The undines think it a game, smashing the bottles or flinging them back to sea.

Meg picks her way through across the beach, smiling at the slick sound of her footsteps. There are a few bottles left unbroken: two clear flasks, one brown beer bottle, and a green thing with a treacherous, curving neck. She gathers these up in her apron and carries them back to the lighthouse.

Three of the notes shake easily from their bottles. For the green bottle – who thought that was a good idea? – she uses a chopstick, half of a pair whose mate has long since been lost, to draw the slip of paper slowly out. She unrolls the slips of paper and pins their corners with rounded pebbles.

He’s been lost for six months…
Hello, my name is Ryan…
My mother was diagnosed this morning…
I don’t know what to do.

The first three notes, she reads, taking in that joy, sorrow, confusion. It’s a dull, sweet pain in the heart. She carries them to her pot-bellied stove, sets the papers inside one by one with a whispered, “You are not so alone as you think.”

This last note, unsigned, she smooths over and over with her fingers. There is a story here, too nebulous to name, too desperate, begging for more answer than a silent, listening ear. Meg collects up note and its bottle – one of the clear flasks – and carries them up the winding stone staircase to the top of the lighthouse.

At the top, she waits out the short night, watching stars streak by in the sky, warming her hands by the captured light that powers the great lamp. The horizon slowly draws from black to red, heralding the rising Sun. She turns down the lamp and adjusts the mirrors, angle precise.

At the end of the world, the light is thick and warm, more particle than wave. She collects up the first rays with the mirrors, ushers them into the little bottle, then stops it up with the note. Of all the stars, the Sun has always been Meg’s favorite, close and loving, the one her Papa told her long ago to wish on because it is the giver of life.

The Sun also powers the last lighthouse, calling all good ships home.

The undines are back on the beach, searching for more bottles. They creep away, but she beckons one forward, offering it the bottle, miming to throw. The little creature has a much better arm than her; the glass, still glowing with morning light, arcs out of the water and then is nothing more but a distant flare on the waves.

Meg watches until it’s gone, hissing when one of the undines takes up another bottle and makes to break it.

There is no telling, if her answer will make it back to the person desperate enough to ask a question to the void. But perhaps that doesn’t matter; it is an answer, and someone will find it.
I don’t know what to do. 
–Follow the light. Always.

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Uncategorized

State of the job hunt

So yes, I was in Laramie for two days for a huge petroleum industry job fair type thing. I did nine interviews total, and used up all of my social interaction time for the next two weeks or so. I think I’m just going to hide in the basement and scream every time someone turns on the lights for a while.

I feel like the interviews went fairly well, though. Not that it means anything, since kind of the point is that interviewers put you at ease and you generally feel good unless you really hose something up. There was one interview that lasted a grand total of ten minutes out of the scheduled thirty, so I’m thinking that might have been a bust. But the rest seemed great.

I’ve got high hopes, but we’ll see how those hopes are looking in a couple of weeks. Most of the job offers are done in October and November. And if I get any second interviews it’ll be in the next couple of weeks that I get the call. There are a couple of companies that I’m desperately hoping to get second interviews with.

The really hard part, though, is thinking about what company I’d like to work for, and the fact that it’s not in Denver. Everything is really up in the air as to where I’ll be in six months, and that’s rough. Particularly since I just got back home, just got back into kung fu. Now I have to start thinking about leaving again.

I’m trying not to worry about it too much for now. Who knows what companies I’ll be hearing from, or what job offers I might get. But wish me luck, because I definitely need a real job once I’m done with this thesis!

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Uncategorized

I’m exhausted, still have interview brain, and just drove home from Laramie. Have a picture of my cat helping with paperwork.